Our friends across the pond are having a bit of a difficult time these days when it comes to governing the country. Since no one could figure out who actually won the election for Prime Minister, Her Majesty just appointed David Cameron to the job. Cameron, a member of the Conservative Party, is expected to sweep house and appoint new leadership. In an effort to help things move along, a poll conducted by AA/Populous asked participants who they’d like to see as Transportation Minister.
Sir Richard Branson pulled in 26% of the vote, followed by Jeremy Clarkson at 24%. Since Branson is too busy running multinational corporations and chasing F1 drivers’ girlfriends, the job (at least by popular vote) would clearly fall to Clarkson.
I love Jezza as much as the next Top Gear fan, but a world where he’s in charge of transportation would be a very strange place to live. Clearly, he’d ban the import of anything American with wheels into Great Britain, and would mandate that all British subjects immediately purchase Jaguars, Range Rovers, or, worse yet, Lancias. Cigarette lighters and ashtrays would again become standard equipment, and any cars not offering 45” or more of legroom would be banned from production. Horsepower limits would surely be imposed, with 300 becoming the new minimum standard for economy cars. He’d mandate right hand drive automobiles and force the rest of the world to drive on the wrong side of the road. His ban on floppy paddle gearboxes would, however, be met with universal acclaim.
A world that loves order couldn’t tolerate a man like Clarkson in office for long. I’d envision a very short reign for Clarkson, followed by an untimely demise. The greens would never put up with a gear head like Clarkson in charge, and would start casting lead-free bullets for his assassination before he broke in his Recaro office chair. Clearly, the world needs him more in his current role.