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Top 5 Cars For People 75 and Older

Posted in Best of, Featured, General, Lists, Top of the Heap by MrAngry | May 12th, 2011 | 6 Responses |

2010 Lincoln Town Car

Ok, so you’re getting up there in age and maybe, just maybe you don’t have as many scheckles in the bank as you used too. Perhaps you just want to enjoy the ride for your remaining years on this earth by forgoing technology and speed in favor of comfort and dependability. The reasons don’t really matter, but what does matter is that the cars listed below are perfect for those who don’t care about performance and could care even less about image. These are the cars that grandparents throughout the continental United States have sitting in their garages with the odometer mileage not exceeding 7,000 miles. They’re reliable, comfy and in the eyes of the automobile enthusiast, the equivalent of a rolling coffin. If you’re under 80 years old and own one of these bad boys you best consider ending it all now, because I have news, the automotive God’s from above are not smiling down upon you.

• 2010 Toyota Camry
2010 Toyota Camry

The Camry is plain vanilla with absolutely no frills. Yes it’s reliable and yes it’s comfortable, but it’s also the most boring automobile built today. The Camry is perfect if your goal is to blend in with everyone else on the road, or to drive into the great beyond in a car that no one will ever remember or much less care about.

• 2011 Buick Lucerne
2011 Buick Lucerne

In order for Buick to drop their old fuddy-duddy image they’re going to have to kill off the Lucerne. Granted it’s a nice car, but it’s also the last remaining piece of the “old Buick” that senior citizens have come to know and love. Once this car is dead, then and only then will Buick be able to rise from the ashes like a flaming Phoenix.

• 2010 Lincoln Town Car
2010 Lincoln Town Car

If you’re not a gypsy cab driver in New York City then you have absolutely no business driving this thing. The Town Car is a throw back to the 1970’s when big American cars ruled the highways and performance didn’t matter. Sure they’re big and comfy, but in the end they’re the size of a WWII battle ship with similar handling characteristics. This IS the last remaining American land yacht.

• 2010 Ford Taurus
2010 Ford Taurus

Hot on the heals of the Lincoln Town Car is the Ford Taurus. Even though the Taurus has been completely redesigned for a younger audience, the Taurus name is still like an early bird special to an old person. The base model is big, comfortable and not very fast… very much like the people who occupy its cabin.

• 2011 Chrysler 200
2011 Chrysler 200

Meet the renamed Chrysler Sebring, a car that sucked from day 1. Like the Taurus the 200 is all show and no go. It’s cheap, reliable and has enough chrome on it to fool the members of the greatest generation into thinking it’s a good car. If you have grandparents interested in one of these, please, please, please steer them in the opposite direction.

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6 Responses

  1. Mark Smith says:

    Good. I don’t have any of those.

  2. BigRuss says:

    lol i like the new Taurus… the SHO is awesome…

  3. Lightnup says:

    The Toyota Avalon has “Senior Citizen!” written all over it. Much more so than the Camry.

  4. Greg says:

    I’m 45 and would happily plant my fat middle-aged butt in the seat of any of those, except the Chrysler of course, I’m not stupid.

  5. Trust me, when I get older I will still care about image and performance. I will never become one of those people who place comfort and dependability over everything else; just the thought is depressing!

  6. Jay says:

    How come the Mazda MX-5 HARDTOP Miata with automatic transmission and the Lincoln comfort and luxury accessories didn’t make this list? It’s definitely a codger-car for those who think they are driving a sports car.