Ok, so you’re getting up there in age and maybe, just maybe you don’t have as many scheckles in the bank as you used too. Perhaps you just want to enjoy the ride for your remaining years on this earth by forgoing technology and speed in favor of comfort and dependability. The reasons don’t really matter, but what does matter is that the cars listed below are perfect for those who don’t care about performance and could care even less about image. These are the cars that grandparents throughout the continental United States have sitting in their garages with the odometer mileage not exceeding 7,000 miles. They’re reliable, comfy and in the eyes of the automobile enthusiast, the equivalent of a rolling coffin. If you’re under 80 years old and own one of these bad boys you best consider ending it all now, because I have news, the automotive God’s from above are not smiling down upon you.
The Camry is plain vanilla with absolutely no frills. Yes it’s reliable and yes it’s comfortable, but it’s also the most boring automobile built today. The Camry is perfect if your goal is to blend in with everyone else on the road, or to drive into the great beyond in a car that no one will ever remember or much less care about.
In order for Buick to drop their old fuddy-duddy image they’re going to have to kill off the Lucerne. Granted it’s a nice car, but it’s also the last remaining piece of the “old Buick” that senior citizens have come to know and love. Once this car is dead, then and only then will Buick be able to rise from the ashes like a flaming Phoenix.
If you’re not a gypsy cab driver in New York City then you have absolutely no business driving this thing. The Town Car is a throw back to the 1970’s when big American cars ruled the highways and performance didn’t matter. Sure they’re big and comfy, but in the end they’re the size of a WWII battle ship with similar handling characteristics. This IS the last remaining American land yacht.
Hot on the heals of the Lincoln Town Car is the Ford Taurus. Even though the Taurus has been completely redesigned for a younger audience, the Taurus name is still like an early bird special to an old person. The base model is big, comfortable and not very fast… very much like the people who occupy its cabin.
Meet the renamed Chrysler Sebring, a car that sucked from day 1. Like the Taurus the 200 is all show and no go. It’s cheap, reliable and has enough chrome on it to fool the members of the greatest generation into thinking it’s a good car. If you have grandparents interested in one of these, please, please, please steer them in the opposite direction.