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Top 10 Cars of the Jersey Shore.

Posted in Audi, FAIL, General, Hummer, Infiniti, Lamborghini, Mitsubishi, Nissan, Pop Culture, Popular Cars, Porsche, Scion by MrAngry | September 21st, 2010 | 13 Responses |

We all know how the MTV reality show Jersey Shore has popularized the crap out of the New Jersey Guido. Sure it’s a fun place to go and hang out and to people watch there is probably no better place on earth. The guys and gals that populate this area of the stinky state show up around June 1st and don’t leave until the end of the Labor Day weekend. One aspect of the Jersey shore that some people fail to take into consideration are the cars in which these wonderful individuals showcase themselves in. Just like Los Angeles the Jersey shore is all about show and bling. Sure, most of the beach and club goers live at home in their parents basement in real life, but once the sun comes out it’s all about rolling heavy and showing off. Here is a listing of some of the Jersey Shore’s rolling hardware.

• Infiniti G35

Embraced fully by the Guido nation, the Infiniti G35 epitomizes the Jersey Shore. It’s one step above a Nissan Altima Coupe, but yet still below a BMW or Mercedes. Owners generally average 5’7″ tall, have multiple tatoo’s and sport enough flammable hair gel on their heads to make them a walking fire hazard.

• BMW 328i

BMW 328i

They should have popped for the 335i but will tell you that they couldn’t “justify” spending the extra cash for just a little better performance. The 328i is a car owned by those who have just entered the world of high finance. They just received their first internship at H & R Block and figured they’d celebrate by leasing this new little beastie. Thankfully they’re still living in their parents basement so they can, “almost” afford the payment.

• Hummer H2

Hummer_H2

Hi, my name is Vinny and I’m hung like a fruit bat… how are you?

• Scion TC

ScionTC

The Scion TC owners of the Jersey shore will do anything to convince you that their little TC is cool. They’ll adorn it with rims, neon lights and of course the fart pipe/air-intake combo pack from Pep Boys. It also packs some ridiculous sound system which was most likely owner installed. What this means is that this vehicle is a rolling fire hazard that is set to burn to the ground the moment the owner turns the sound knob up to eleven.

• Bentley Continental GT

Bentley Continental GT

Yep, here is a guy that came into some money and dammit if he’s not going to show it off to everyone. He read in a magazine someplace that a Bentley was cooler than a Beemer so he bought one sight unseen with the hope that it will get him laid. The owner, having no idea of how good a car the Continental GT really is, will never see the high side of 35 mph, as going any faster will result in people not being able to get a good look at him.

• Lamborghini Gallardo

Lamborghini Gallardo

They’re fast, loud and an all around amazing automobile. They scream I HAVE MONEY, but just not enough to purchase a Murcielago. The Jersey Gallardo owner also must purchase large 22-inch wheels that are so heavy that they’re likely to blowout the Gallardo’s AWD system during the first week of ownership, but that’s ok in the Gallardo owners mind, as he can say he owns… wait for it… a Lamborghini.

• Audi S5

Audi S5

The Audi S5 is the arch nemesis of the Infiniti G35. It’s newer, faster more and more stylish and the S5 owner knows it. His main goal in life is to put existing G35 owners down by constantly humiliating them with a better exhaust burble and a higher quality interior. He also upgraded his footwear from a pair of Sketchers to a nice pair of Piloti driving shoes just so he can get in that little extra “dig” when the moment presents itself.

• Mitsubishi Eclipse

Mitsubishi Eclipse

The Mitsubishi Eclipse owner averages from age 18-21. To them this little front wheel drive rice rocket makes them feel like their part of the Fast and the Furious crowd. They’ve got wheels, a big ass wing and a stereo that could make the state of Rhode Island deaf inside of ten minutes. They’re also driving around in them all night as they’re not yet old enough to get into the clubs. This means they’ll just be cruising the strip nightly in search of high quality jail bait.

• Nissan Altima Coupe

Nissan Altima Coupe

The Nissan Altima Coupe is one step above the Mitsubishi Eclipse, but still below the Infiniti G35 that it tries to emulate. Sure it’s stylish and will probably run forever, but when there are no less than 25 of them parked in the same parking lot it sure doesn’t do much in helping to get you laid.

• Porsche Boxster

Porsche Boxster

Just like the Lamborghini Gallardo, the Porsche Boxster screams – I CAN’T AFFORD A 911! It’s unfortunate really as the Boxster is actually a fantastic car. Most owners know this as well, but soon tire of trying to explain it to those who don’t understand automobiles. The Porsche Boxster can also usually be seen parked on the outskirts of the club parking lots due to a bit of owner embarrassment and 911 envy.

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13 Responses

  1. 98dsmgs says:

    definantly disagree with a few

  2. ElvisAndretti says:

    I have never seen a guido with a Boxster or a Bently. Lambos, ricers and you forgot the eternal guidomobile: the IROC-Z, with the thunderchicken trans-am running a close second.

    (Funny, my doctor drives a G35 now, and did own a Trans Am when we were in college… and an IROC Z after that… hmmm… but his middle name doesn’t begin with ‘the’ so he can’t be full on guido.)

  3. ElvisAndretti says:

    BTW: The Boxster in no way screams “I can’t afford a 911″. More like “I would prefer not to back my car into a wall at 70 mph…”

  4. Reality Check says:

    …this article is waaay off. But then again, I don’t expect accuracy from a New Yorker writing about the JS.

  5. MrAngry says:

    98dsmgs – Dude… suggestions?

    Elvis – you’re right, and your comment is noted. Those who purchase a Boxster from a performance standpoint get it. However, most of the Boxsters around me are generally driven by those who will never get within 100 miles of race course.

    Reality Check – again… suggestions?

  6. Reality Check says:

    ok Mr. Angry….. you are talking about NJ guidos and not one mention about a Cadillac?

  7. MrAngry says:

    Depends… are we talking about a CTS or STS.

  8. Pcolalos says:

    No Escalades? cmon

  9. MrAngry says:

    OK! This is list has now turned into audience participation time and will be redone when every out there in Jersey Land agrees with every last car.

    Part II
    • Cadillac Escalade
    • Cadillac CTS

    …..

  10. ElvisAndretti says:

    The main thing to know about the Jersey shore is, you are not welcome. In the north they have ‘Bennie go home’ signs and graffiti and in the south it’s “Shoobie go home”. Means the same thing: leave your money and get out, we don’t like tourists. Funny attitude to have after moving to a tourist town, but we are talking about people from New Jersey after all. It’s like the jaggoffs who moved in next to Lime Rock and compained about the noise until they couldn’t race on Sunday anymore.

  11. 98dsmgs says:

    i know this is late but as far as suggestions, i would trim a few….seems like, and not saying this is what went down, but somebody had 2-3 cars in mind that would definantly work then as it got closer to 10, the list became more and more desperate…like trying to pick out the 10 hottest girls in your high school yearbook….7-10= not so smokin lol

  12. 98dsmgs says:

    i get the g35, the bimmer and kinda the hummer and boxter but the rest, could do without…and youre missing the escalade! thats all they drive lol

    • OHSOTRUE says:

      This article is SO TRUE! Since my ex husband is actually IN the picture that’s posted….I can say they ALL live w/ their mommy’s and most likely thats who helped them pay for the car too. lolol Its rediculous.