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The Top 5 Most Legendarily Lame Cars

Posted in Cars, Chevrolet, Classic, Ford by Suzanne Denbow | July 15th, 2008 | 16 Responses |

There have been, and always will be, cars that are legendary for the impact they left on the automotive industry or society in general. The following is a list of the Top 5 cars that have left their own, unique impression – an impression that probably won’t soon be rewarded by the Power Circle.

1. 1976 AMC Pacer

It almost doesn’t seem fair to pick on the Pacer inasmuch the Pacer has made almost every “Worst Car” list ever conceived since 1972. But alas, one must give credit where credit is due. With an emphasis on emissions control and fuel efficiency, the AMC Pacer listed a net weight of approximately 3000 lbs and roughly 120 hp. It was widely regarded to be only a slight upgrade from the Radio Flyer wagon.

2. 1977 Mercury Marquis

John Candy’s ride of choice in “Uncle Buck”, the Mercury Marquis comes by its suckitude from a purely aesthetic standpoint as it doesn’t poses any glaring mechanical defects. Unfortunately, just being ugly is enough. The 1977 Mercury Grand Marquis comes it at Number 2 as the quintessential car for the motorist who wants to effectively communicate, “As a matter of fact, I don’t have anything to lose.”

3. 1978 Ford Country Squire

The minivan’s predecessor, the station wagon is a culture icon. Reminiscent of a simpler time, the Ford Country Squire represents an era when it was perfectly acceptable when, due to a lack of adequate seating for your large family, your little sister frequently rode on the dashboard. The Squire was child-friendly in other ways as well – its vinyl seating surfaces provided little-to-no resistance for frenzied attempts at escape from Dad’s frequent disciplinary swats from the driver’s seat.

4. 1989-93 Chevrolet G-20 Van

Remarkable for its apparent generality, the 1989 Chevy G-20 Van makes the Top 5 List simply for it’s incredibly duality. Nothing can silently (yet strongly) broadcast either “Undercover Drug Enforcement Strike Force” or “Child Predator on the Prowl,” quite like it.

5. Ford Festiva [pick a year, any year]

With enough interior space to seat approximately ½ of an adult comfortably, and models featuring 56-horsepower, 65-horsepower, and 88-horsepower respectively, the Ford Festiva is the product of what was most likely a friendly little competition between engineers who had already earned tenure (“Oh yeah, Bob? Well they’ll never go for this…”).

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16 Responses

  1. datou says:

    No Pinto? The country squire??? I had a 73 ranch wagon and that car ROCKED!

  2. Suzanne Denbow says:

    It really didn’t feel fair to pick on the Pinto, the Gremlin, or the Pacer. I mean, they are undeniably some of the most awful cars ever created, it just seemed like I’d be beating a dead horse.

  3. michael gilbo says:

    i think when it comes to the mercury marquis you guys are fool of crap,it was the best american car in the seventies bar none,far as looks the 1975 to 1978 2dr grand marquis is one of the best looking cars in a coupe with hideaway headlights,and loaded with every option

  4. Joe says:

    ALIVE—ALIVE with this old thread! :evilly laughing:

    too broad a topic here, but sticking to seventies (not to bash Ford because I actually LIKED the full size LTD’s and Marquis’ of the day) but what about the MUSTANG II. Holy crap?!? Or the Lincoln Versailles? nothing more than a glorified Granada, or a magnafied Monarch. And the Chevette? Wow. what a forgettable piece of junk, with shock towers that rotted as soon as they got wet.
    Early seventies –how about the 4dr TBirds. u-g-l-y, you ain’t got no alibi, u ugly!
    plymouth. enough said. basically everthing mopar made in the 70s. (a few exceptions if you’re feeling sentimental)

  5. Matt says:

    I own a 77 Grand Marquis that’s white with a green top and underbody. You would pick the ugliest color to display a car in. Brown? Does anything look good in brown? Get real. You obviously haven’t seen one in person, and you obviously haven’t taken into account that it has interior room surpassed by only limos, a 460 ci v-8 that’s tunable to about 600 bhp, and more standardized features than many cars made today. Do some more research before making such an ill-informed decision.

  6. John says:

    I own a 1977 Mercury Grand Marquis that’s carmel colored with an off white top. Absolutely stunning and looks classy. After all what better car to host an orgy in and drink highballs whilst cruising down the open road?

  7. Ryan says:

    1973-1978 Grand Marquis… progressively styled more ornately every year through the mid-70’s to appear progessively more massive..and more Lincoln Continental-like….the main key to this car’s immense popularity. This formula actually paid off from 1979-91 bodystyles also… as by mid-1980-83, outfitted with the “Formal Coach Vinyl Roof” option, turbine-spoke wheels and draped velour TCL seats, these typical luxury cruisers were once again becoming more Lincoln-esque..and for the good of Mercury… sales consistenly in the mid-100,000 mark… Not all that many thought they were ‘lame’ … Although time marches on.. and perceptions of what is a good car then and what is lame now.. it’s always someone’s opinion…it may not be factual or have any meaningful coherence, but it’s just that – an opinion.

  8. 78 FORD LTD FANATIC says:

    The 1975-78 Ford Ltd was not only the member of the family, but it was a durable tough car that was the family staple of cars that rocked the late 70’s right into the 80’s. This was the most misunderstood vehicle and when it would blow the doors off of a Mustang if you were licky enough to have the 460 police interceptor under the hood. Remember Big Low heavy cars were the fad and LTD replaced the Galaxie 500. Loved To Drive. is what LTD stands for and until you have motored along in one don’t knock em,

  9. Chris says:

    Hey now, wait just a minute! I owned both a 77 LTD and a 77 Merc Grand Marquis, and I can say I got 10 good years out of each of these indestructible hunks. I never feared a so-called upscale SUV who probably paid 20,000 more than I had. I had leather, good heat, reliability and a killer AC, not to mention a pretty good stereo and easily found parts, when occasionally needed. People had a little fun sometimes but I had decent rides with these two durable real cars, and no payments.

  10. Curtis Mitchell says:

    I simply do not understand your dislike of the Grand Marquis’s appearance. It was a beautiful car – all during the seventies and eighties. We had a 71 black sedan, a 76 green sedan, a 77 white wagon (which had more options than many ‘luxury’ cars), an 83 brown wagon, an 88 blue wagon, and then we switched to Town Cars. I was only a kid in the seventies and didn’t even drive until 1984, but I was always proud of my Marquis (I got the 77 wagon for my first car). I currently drive a 2005 Lincoln Town Car and it is still the most comfortable car in the world. Give the big American cars a break.

  11. dan says:

    This list is legindarily lame. i think nearly everyone that commented had something wrong with it haha

  12. Michael says:

    Interesting that you think the 1977 Marquis is ugly as per your words. Apparently the 73, 74, 75, 76 and 78 must be ok. Nevertheless, I have a better idea when making a list of cars. In order for you to make one you would need to be old enough to have driven each and every one when new. I believe that would disqualify you from this list as you would need to be 16 in 1976 which would make you 50 now.

  13. Eelco says:

    The reasons given in this summary by the poster, for choosing them as lame cars is ridiculous. There is not a single valid reason of labeling them as lame.

    Come with tech mailfunctions, recalls anything but these stupid comments.

    Let me guess, a woman came up with this list? Nuff said.

  14. fontez says:

    i lik all of the car

  15. Rhino says:

    Obviously the person that made this list knows nothing about cars in the “real world” and just read a few other lame articles written by a few other non-car persons like Ralph Nader.
    I have owned all of these cars, save the Pacer, and have found like all vehicles, they have their good and bad points. I sure the bicycle that the writer rides has its problems too, like cold and wet weather reliability, muscle cramping, road rage and smog intolerance.
    I think that before you should be allowed to write about something like cars or LIFE(to some of us they are interchangeable), they should at least experience it!!!

  16. Sonicjagstang says:

    The 77 Marquis…… I’m not offended but I do find it hilarious. Not only did I have one years ago that was perfect in every way but I have one now that I love and yes it’s a damn nice looking car that is far from ugly. What is comical is the pic used is MY car… not one like it but MINE. I have several pics to verify this……