RideLust

Essentially an elongated version of the Porsche 911, the new 2010 Porsche Panamera bears a striking resemblance to its progenitor and, unfortunately, the Ambiguously Gay Duo’s Duo-car. Glaring design flaw aside, the new Panamera is definitely an innovative move for Porsche; with this new front-engine, 4-door sedan, Porsche will begin inserting itself [giggle] into other luxury/super car markets.

Publicly fingering [snicker] the almighty Mercedes-Benz CLS as a direct competitor, the Porsche Panamera is already preparing to call down the performance-sedan thunder. Although too soon to indentify a clear winner, we will [briefly] abandon the sexual innuendo in favor of a sports-related metaphor and compare the two competitors.

Challenging the Mercedes-Benz CLS550 Coupe for its Division Heavyweight Title is the Porsche Panamera S, the Panamera’s base model. Weighing in at $127,000, the rookie contender Panamera S is knocked out in the first round by the Mercedes-Benz CLS550’s cool $69,825 price tag. Rallying for round two, the Panamera S offers a sizable counter attack with a 4.8-L naturally aspirated V8 engine, 400-hp, and an acceleration rate of 0-60 mph in about 4.5 seconds. The CLS550 matches the Panamera S’s efforts with a 5.5-liter V8 engine and 7-sp automatic transmission, but is ultimately out-performed with its paltry 382-hp.

Next up: Mercedes-Benz CLS 63 AMG v. Porsche Panamera Turbo. The most immediately obvious differentiating feature between the two models is the 100k price tag difference with the CLS 63 AMG offered at $95, 425 and the Panamera Turbo rounding out at a whopping $198,000. Although the Panamera Turbo is smaller, lighter, and definitely packs a punch with a powerful twin-turbocharged 520-hp engine, the CLS 63 AMG doesn’t lag very far behind with its 6.3L V8 and 507-hp. For that kind of money, the Panamera Turbo doesn’t appear to have the kind of competitive edge over the CLS 63 AMG one would expect.

Not slated to make its production debut until 2010, it’s impossible to prematurely calculate [snort] a winner until we’ve had the opportunity to evaluate the Panamera’s performance. One thing we can admit however – without its speed-sensitive rear-spoiler, the phallus-shaped Porsche Panamera is a hard one to swallow [hah].