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So You Want To Be A Car Show Girl: Part 3

Posted in Auto Show Girls, Funny, General by Kurt Ernst | March 26th, 2010 | 9 Responses |

Bonus points if you can spot the car in this picture.

In Part 1 of this series, we covered the joys of being a local car show girl. Part 2 covered the next rung up the evolutionary show girl ladder, the paddock girl. Today, we present the pinnacle of car show girl achievement: the international motor show girl.

More pics after the jump.

I once dated a girl like her; she came at me with a chef's knife. Good times.

It's hard to upstage a Lambo, but she pulls it off.

Take a look at any of these pictures, and you’ll notice one thing in common between all of these women. Stop staring at their breasts, because that wasn’t what I was referring too. Not their incredibly long and shapely legs, either, although they do rock some awfully fine ones.

I guess even show girls get casual Fridays.

The look: equal parts sexy and terrifying

Try to find a better pair of legs, I dare you.

I’m talking about the look, that thousand yard stare that all the pro show girls either have or quickly develop. It’s somehow both alluring and downright frightening, kind of like getting the keys to a 600 horsepower motorcycle. You may be stupid enough to try and take it for a spin, but I can guarantee it’s only going to end in heartbreak.

Unless your bank account ends in 10 zeros, just move along.

Casual Friday, again. I guarantee the one on the right is ex-KGB.

As a sideline gig, I teach pistol and concealed carry classes. I come from a law enforcement family, and have a better than average ability to size up an opponent or situation. I’ve got to tell you that these women scare me; it’s not the intelligence thing, because smart women are damned sexy. It’s the gleam in their eye, the one that says “I can kill you with one strike from my six inch stiletto heal, or garrote you with this seemingly innocent string of pearls. It’s only by the grace of God that I continue to let you keep sucking my oxygen as you leer at me.” Scary stuff, that. Unpredictable, too.

The look says, 'I could kill you and not even break a sweat'

I'm sure there are laser beams in those eyes

So what does it take to compete at this level? For starters, you need to be physically perfect. No bad breast implants, liposuction or collagen enhanced lips allowed; if you didn’t leave the womb as a solid 9.5, look for work elsewhere. You’ve got to be smart, because you’re expected to answer questions on the vehicles and manufacturers you represent. Want to work in Europe? Better speak four or five languages at a minimum.

Japanese show girls; innocent in the most obscene manner

In ten minutes, she'd have you confessing to anything. Trust me.

Want to meet one of these women for a drink? You’ve got a better chance of picking the winning megamillion lottery numbers, while simultaneously being struck by lightening. Unless you’re ripped, filthy stinking rich and in the media spotlight, chances are good that these women won’t even acknowledge your presence outside of the show booth. Think about this: how many times have you been successful in picking up a model wearing a $5,000 dress at your local watering hole? If the answer is none, it’s best to just move along. Who wants to risk a stiletto heel to the heart, anyway?

Do you really think you've got a line she hasn't heard before?

She can shoot you down in more languages than you can name.

Author’s note: So You Want To Be A Car Show Girl is written tongue-in-cheek and should in no way be taken seriously. Except the part about sending us bikini or underwear pics if you’re over 18 and look like the women in these pictures; we meant that. And for the love of God, guys: stop sending me underwear pictures, no matter what you shave.

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9 Responses

  1. Whoa, the one in the red shrug scares ME and I’m one of them.

    Dears, if you’d really like to know how to be an auto show model, please get in touch with me.

  2. Nice photos.. thanks for sharing.. looked like fun

  3. Mandy Ann says:

    I want to be a car show girl!

  4. Candy Molina says:

    I’ve been a model most of my life but I’m more of a tomboy type and not so much of a girly girl.. Don’t get me wrong, I love wearing stilettos and bikinis but I’d rather model a car then walk down a cat walk.

  5. mike says:

    My bank account STARTS with ten zeros – do I qualify? Have a chance?
    Aw, com’on give us a chance!

  6. Tina says:

    I want to be car show girl

  7. Dionne Edwards says:

    realy want to become a car show girl, email me if interested

  8. Lori Johnston says:

    I’m Lori Johnston. I would love to become the next carshow model. I feel as if I have the right features, personality, & attitude. Ill be looking forward to a response. :)

    Thank you, xoxo