I’ve traversed the United States from coast to coast more times then I care to remember. I’ve logged thousands upon thousands of miles on my cars, stayed in some of the best (and worst) hotels, and dined in greasy spoon diners that served food that was sometimes unrecognizable. If you drive and I mean really drive, than this comes with the territory. Throughout my travels though one thing has always remained constant – a good selection of road trip food. You see when I’m motoring down the super-slabs and back roads of America I don’t like to stop. I mean sure, there are times one must make that emergency pit stop, but for the most part I only stop when I run low on fuel or break down, which is about every 4 hours depending on the car. Regardless, one thing that I always bring with me to fuel my body is a nice selection of road trip food. Keep in mind that at this point in my career I consider myself to be a professional (at what is still up for debate, but whatever) and because of this I’ve put together a road trip menu that should get everyone out there from one coast to the next safely with their bowels intact.
• DRINKS: Water / Red Bull / Diet Coke / Gatorade / Coffee
Drinks are probably the most important things you can have with you on an extended road trip. I’ve been in some pretty remote places where I could do without food, but drinks, no way. For starters you must always carry a few bottles of water. It will keep you hydrated, it tastes good and you can dump it in your radiator if your trusted steed overheats. Second would be a few cans of Red Bull or your favorite energy drink. These are good for a quick boost of energy as they contain loads of sugar and caffeine, but you’ll crash hard when it wears off. If you start drinking these to stay awake then be warned, as that signifies that your beat, so you’d best start looking for a hotel or a rest area. Diet Coke is always a favorite as well. It should satisfy your craving for something carbonated, while giving you a quick sugar rush at the same time. Gatorade is next, and is always good to have on hand. It will also keep you hydrated and is a nice alternative to water. Lastly we have coffee. Now this is a tricky one because for some, coffee can have some ill effects on the ole’ digestive tract which may result in unwanted pit stops. Take caution before sucking down a cup of that truck stop special blend, because it can mess you up something fierce if you’re not careful.
• FOOD: Beef Jerky / Keebler Fudge Strip Cookies / Powder Donuts / Cliff Bars / Skittles
Food is another item that’s always handy to have around, but the last thing you want to be doing is knocking back a pizza while you’re cruising at 80 mph. Finger foods are definitively the best way to go. Beef Jerky is obviously the number one choice as it’s been a favorite of road trippers since the dawn of time. Hell, even if you don’t like it you need to have a bag in your car for good luck – sorry, but that’s just the way it is. Other items include fruit, donuts (powdered or chocolate), energy bars, candy (Swedish fish rock by the way) and perhaps some cookies. Just remember, the more you eat the more you crap, so try not to go buck wild on any of these.
Other notable items that you may want to include are Skittles, Keebler Fudge Stripe Cookies and or Chips Ahoy. Now, I understand that there are those of you that will criticize this list due to the fact that it’s not filled with nuts, twigs and or any other substances that mother earth created. Listen; if veggies are your thing then go for it. The same goes for granola, hummus, trail mix and or any other food that they make Birkenstock sandals out of. Oh… and one last thing, remember that as soon as you get on the road that your first stop should always be a McD’s breakfast – may sure though that you can see the grease coming through the bag as that lets you know it’s really good.
Peace out and happy travels.