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Road Rage 101: How To Piss Off Other Drivers
Perhaps you’ve only just recently acquired your license to drive, or perhaps you’re a grizzled veteran of the salty tarmac, but either way, you’re interested in perfecting the art of driving as a bloodsport. Believe it or not, angering your fellow motorists to the point of inspiring physical violence isn’t a game of chance, but rather a highly scientific, learned skill. To truly master the art of pissing people off, you need the benefit of years of practice behind the wheel of an extremely obnoxious car (I recommend either a tuned Honda CRX or any type of chromed pickup with a lifted suspension), true greatness can’t be achieved overnight. Everyone needs to start somewhere though, so to get you started on your path towards perfection, I’ve outlined below a few tips that will help nurture and extract your hidden inner douchebag.
1. Do Not Use Turn Signals
Do not under any circumstances ever use your turn signal, period. Turn signals or traffic indicators of any kind are a sign of weakness, and they give your enemy valuable information regarding your battle position.
2. Do Not Yield To Drivers Preparing To Execute A Turn
If the driver in front of you indicates that he is preparing to execute a turn, do not slow down. Instead, maintain your constant speed (75 mph highway, or 55 mph residential) and seconds before your car makes high-speed impact with his rear bumper, turn your steering wheel to the right or left (depending on which direction the vehicle is turning) by a fraction of an inch, barely avoiding a full-speed collision. Remember: under no circumstances should you ever remove your foot from the accelerator. In most cases, the amount of space you will have between the turning driver and the next physical barrier (be it a parked car or an oncoming lane of traffic) will be very, very limited, and the faster you are traveling the less likely you are to make contact with any stationary objects.
3. Treat Construction Zones As An Obstacle Course
Construction zones and the many hurdles they throw at drivers make them the perfect place to hone your skills as an asshole, especially since there’s usually a local cop posted nearby who can serve as an excellent official score keeper. Remember: +1 point for every traffic cone you clip, +2 points for every motorist you cut off when merging, +3 points for every rude hand gesture you receive from the city workers you barely avoid hitting, and +4 points for every additional officer summoned by the aforementioned cop to apprehend your vehicle.
4. Speed Limits Are Relative
It is not important that you observe the posted speed limit, as long as you observe the speed limit posted by the guy in front you. Yes, that kid barreling down the left hand lane at 90 mph in his Acura RSX is an idiot, but he’s also the guiding light to your wayward ocean liner. As long as you’re travelling slower than Speedy Gonzalez is, when he and you finally blow by that police cruiser, that cop is only going to have the man power to pull over one of you and you can bet he isn’t interested in some stoner driving a beat-up Saab, he’s going for the big game.
5. Behave As Though Out-of-State Tags Grant You Diplomatic Immunity
You’re from Ohio, venturing onto the New Jersey turnpike for the first time. You’re not sure what exit to take, so you steadily drive 20 mph under the speed limit lest you miss your turn-off. Or perhaps you’re from Georgia, and during your road trip to the shore, you feel it necessary to bestow a little bit of Southern Hospitality on every driver you meet. So in addition to driving at roughly the same speed as the tourist from Ohio, you also make frequent, sudden stops to yield to other motorists – even when you have the right of way.
Although drivers in both cases would be strictly prohibited from operating heavy machinery in their respective home states, their behavior is perfectly acceptable when travelling outside of their state lines. After all, it doesn’t matter how they do it up/down/over here, you’re from Ohio/Georgia/Florida, dammit, and you are the greatest thing on four wheels since Bobby Labonte.
6. There Is No Predetermined “Passing Lane”
A commonly held myth amongst most motorists is that passing is only permitted/acceptable in the left hand lane. This is simply not true. A “passing lane” is any unobstructed pathway (including grassy medians) through which you can safely navigate your vehicle around slow-moving motorists while only sustaining minor surface damage.
7. Do Not Talk On Your Cell Phone While Driving. Text Instead.
When other drivers see you yakking on your cell phone, they’ll become immediately enraged by your obvious disregard for traffic safety, but they’ll be absolutely livid if they catch you texting while driving. Texting is especially recommend over calling if your phone happens to be equipped with a full QWERTY keyboard, since not only will your attention be completely diverted from the road in front of you, but you’ll also be using your knees to navigate the steering wheel as both hands will be fully occupied texting your bro about the hottie in the Ford Focus next to you.
8. Always Use Halogen Headlights
Halogen bulbs emit a blinding blue light that drivers both in front of and behind you will enjoy immeasurably. If you can’t quite afford a HID upgrade for your car, opt for using your high-beams at all times, especially at night in heavily congested traffic. If you drive a pickup truck or SUV, it is strongly recommend that you accompany the use of Halogens and/or high-beams with very close tailgating. Remember: you aren’t truly a jackass unless your headlights cause permanent retina damage.
9. Speed Through Parking Lots
One secret every driving jerkoff knows is that you can make your best time by laying rubber in the parking lot. Depending on how densely populated the lot is, you should always aim to maintain an average speed of anywhere from 45-65 mph, possibly higher in the event of inclement weather. Not only will this endanger the safety and well being of any pedestrians, if you’re running late for an appointment, you can also shave minutes off your ETT by cutting diagonally across all the empty stalls and ignoring any stop signs.
10. Drive Like A Woman
A good general rule of thumb to follow that encompasses all the basic elements of horrible driving discussed here today is this: before you make any major decision while driving, first ask yourself, “What would a woman do?” If you’re travelling on a four lane highway in the leftmost lane, don’t merge ahead of time into the right-hand lane to avoid a last minute four-lane death race. Instead, maintain a steady 75mph in your current lane and begin to apply a heavy coat of mascara. Then, about 100 yards before your exit, immediately jerk your wheel as hard as you can to the right, smiling sheepishly and giggling girlishly at all the angered motorists behind you.
Or, if you find yourself in the right-hand lane behind a motorist who happens to be travelling too slow for your taste, before you make the logical decision to pass them, try to picture what a woman would do in your situation. Would she pass on the left? No, she wouldn’t. She would tailgate the innocent driver angrily, straining as hard as she could to see over the steering wheel, glaring purposefully at the “total jerk” in front of her. After maintaining about 6 inches of clearance between her and the car in front her for about 10 miles or so, then, and only then, will she pass the driver on the left, making sure to give him the stink eye as she does so.
Remember: most women are born lacking the inherent ability to drive well, so if your ultimate goal is to piss off as many people on the roadway as you can, it would behoove you to duplicate female driving techniques to the best of your ability.
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It had me chuckling, but maybe you should change “Halogens” to “HIDs” since every car on the road comes with halogens and the bright blue lights that you are talking about are High Intensity Discharge lamps.
Words by Darren on November 19, 2008 at 1:37 pm | #
As a woman, it is now clear to me that I need testicles if I am ever to drive competently. Please send me yours.
Words by LL on November 19, 2008 at 6:20 pm | #
Halogens are NOT HID’s
Words by frddie on November 19, 2008 at 6:50 pm | #
Halogen bulbs? You mean the ones used in 95% of cars from the factory??? I think the gas you’re looking for is Xenon, which is used in luxury cars. While these are much brighter, how is this the motorists fault? When properly adjusted they should cause oncoming drivers no more discomfort than a halogen.
Words by dru and not u on November 19, 2008 at 6:51 pm | #
Great article!
I look forward to Road Rage 201 complete with tail gating, driving right beside another slow driver and double parking!
Words by Les on November 19, 2008 at 8:49 pm | #
HID’s are Xenon not Halogens!
Words by Bush on November 20, 2008 at 12:28 am | #
Well, road rage is really over rated. And pretty much like a fad that everybody is doing. What I enjoy when I’m driving around. I love to piss off the road ragers. Since they think that it is a kick to road rage. I have a different approach to have fun with the road ragers. Hee Hee. I think this has inspired me to write a short tip book. On how to get back at the road ragers, legally, and have fun doing it too.
Words by Sandi on November 20, 2008 at 1:59 am | #
Great article, enjoyed it very much.
Words by Josh on November 20, 2008 at 3:04 am | #
What a pathetic list. Keep laughing after someone dies from your bullshit. . .
Words by Someguy on November 20, 2008 at 3:27 am | #
Heh…enjoyable read – but please take this as satire. As someone who’s literally been run off the road by one of these douchebags – it’s not entirely funny.
Words by gMoney on November 20, 2008 at 4:11 am | #
I just wanted to come in here to make another comment about Halogen vs HID, since everyone else is doing it.
Words by Soylent on November 20, 2008 at 11:34 am | #
It’s true…women can’t drive for shit. They shouldn’t even be allowed to have licenses.
Words by jack on November 20, 2008 at 11:38 am | #
About the bulbs, you people above are all wrong. By halogen light bulbs she meant one of those cheap blue or white halogen bulb you can get from auto shops
Words by ash on November 20, 2008 at 11:42 am | #
I live in northeast Ohio and I’m sure that the first and second items in the list are actual requirements in the state motor vehicle code. Never signalling and never slowing for someone making a turn…also driving onto the shoulder to go around someone making a turn…are standard driving habits in these parts.
I have to disagree with you on item 6, at least partly. One state where I’ve driven in the past…I believe it was Maine…specifies on some roads that hte right of three lanes is the “slow” lane, the middle is the “driving” lane and the left is tne “passing” lane. Signs to that effect were clearly posted and I recall seeing the state police pull a man over for violating the left lane rule.
Here in Ohio, drivers like to call the inside lane the “high speed lane” and some drivers like to think that they have a legal right to “flash” everybody out of the lane so they can drive faster. Forget what you got told in driver’s ed about keeping pace with the traffic, just tailgate, flash your lights and sound your horn to make everyone else get out of your way.
Words by teebird on November 20, 2008 at 11:52 am | #
@LL:
Obviously, you weren’t paying enough attention to the article to notice the author’s name or photo.
She just *may* have some difficulty fulfilling your request.
Words by dave on November 20, 2008 at 11:53 am | #
Wow, way to cave in to the sexism in our society. 3 paragraphs devoted to how women can’t drive, written by a woman. Thank you for evolving.
Words by John on November 20, 2008 at 11:58 am | #
@ Ash – Yeah, that’s exactly what I meant – those cheap Halogen Sylvania’s from Auto Zone.
Words by Suzanne Denbow on November 20, 2008 at 11:58 am | #
Hardly any of those things really annoy me. The two that do annoy me are:
1. Choose your own speed limit. I can deal with someone who drives 5 or 10 mph over the posted speed limit, but I really hate people who drive 50 in a 55 and then drive 45 in a 35, or someone who drives 35 in a 45, and then doesn’t even slow down when it goes to 25.
2. Flash your high beams for me to move over when I can’t possibly move over, and then pass me on the right. This has happened to me more than once, and I wasn’t driving an unreasonable speed.
Words by DavidE on November 20, 2008 at 11:58 am | #
You forgot one. Part of the science behind pissing off other drivers involves driving the speed limit in the fast lane and then speeding up when those behind you try to pass on the right. The real skill here is to do it in such a way that they are not even aware that you are screwing with them.
Words by Wes Denton on November 20, 2008 at 12:00 pm | #
this is pathetic
do you have nothing better to do than think of this sort of foolish,non intelligent trash?
I am sure your parents are proud of you. If you had ever seen people on a feeway dealing wih road rage you would not deal with it in so dismissive and light-hearted manner
Shame on you- another MTV inspired jackass
Words by Jim R on November 20, 2008 at 12:01 pm | #
Don’t forget to keep your fog lights on, regardless of the weather!!
Words by james on November 20, 2008 at 12:04 pm | #
The headlights you are referring to are not halogen, they are xenon which emit a blueish color. Bi Xenon HID (High Intensity Discharge) also come standard in most luxury vehicles, like my Mercedes and Maserati.
Also, driving like a woman does not apply to all women. I have been driving high performance vehicles since I got my license and I’m more of a car enthusiast than most men. I have driven on race tracks, aggressive driving courses and most likely I am a better driver than 90% of the entire driving population. If you are going to comment on bad drivers, you should target the real problem “senior citizens”.
Words by SoCalGurl on November 20, 2008 at 12:10 pm | #
Jim is pathetic. He has absolutely NO idea of humor. I am sure his parents can’t stand to be around him as he is probably so negative that he could make a dead person die a second time!
Words by anti-jim r on November 20, 2008 at 12:15 pm | #
Is it just me or have half of the commenters completely missed the point?
In English, we call this SARCASM.
Good article though. Made my day.
Words by Bob on November 20, 2008 at 12:17 pm | #
Just cause you have been on a track and like cars does not make you a good driver. People like you who think you are such a better driver than most others are usually the worst. You are just to stupid to see it.
Words by anti-so cal GIRL on November 20, 2008 at 12:17 pm | #
Hmm .. women can’t drive because they’re less “macho” ? I’ll take an attentive women over male drivers anyday – especially if I don’t have a separate cycle lane!
Words by hash on November 20, 2008 at 12:18 pm | #
Xenon is a halogen gas, so referring to xenon bulbs as halogens is technically correct.
Words by halogen on November 20, 2008 at 12:18 pm | #
Since I am a woman, then please tell me why I drive better than most of the guys I ride with?
Words by sparkle on November 20, 2008 at 12:20 pm | #
Another driving tactic that is sure to upset other drivers is to go slower than the speed limit. If the speed limit is 75 on the highway or interstate I will go 60-65 maximum because of the milage benefits. If this happens to be on a two lane road, I am ensured a nasty look when the driver is finally able to pass me. Divers will frequently resort to passing on a double yellow, gesturing, honking, and otherwise driving like idiots.
Words by Lee on November 20, 2008 at 12:20 pm | #
you forgot to mention bicycles…you should never yield to cyclists! even though they’re legally supposed to ride on the road, unless there’s a bike lane, nevermind that! take ‘em out!
Words by arnsy on November 20, 2008 at 12:21 pm | #
Goldang, I incite road rage in those drivers behind me just by driving according to the painted lines on the road. It’s like, okay, maybe they’re not the work of a Rembrandt, but on the other hand, I didn’t pay Rembrandt to do that stuff.
Speeding is 0 to 10 km/h over the limit.
Hyper-speeding is over 10 over the limit.
Words by Johnny on November 20, 2008 at 12:23 pm | #
Hey, blinkers can be useful! You can leave your right blinker on and drive 10 under the posted speed limit. This will attract a lot of notice from the unappreciative people behind you
Words by Josh D on November 20, 2008 at 12:24 pm | #
Its amazing how much time is spent on lightbulbs! Get a life
Words by Tom on November 20, 2008 at 12:24 pm | #
Sorry… fixing it for me:
Speeding is 1 to 10 km/h over the limit.
Also:
Ever notice? Typically it’s: high-precision automobile; low precision driver.
Words by Johnny on November 20, 2008 at 12:26 pm | #
Testicles? Please send me yours? Honey, it’s called marriage. Testicles (his) are included in the deal. Half these guys on this site lost ‘em that way. Hell, that’s why they’re on this site and think the latest muscle car will give ‘em back. Do I sound bitter? Why should I? I’m not married yet! LOL
Words by catsfive on November 20, 2008 at 12:32 pm | #
wtf, are you people retarded? This is an extremely funny article. Lighten the fuck up and laugh a little.
Words by Ryan on November 20, 2008 at 12:35 pm | #
Wait. As for women drivers, it’s TRUE. Blanket statement? No. The simple fact is that, UNTIL WOMEN BELIEVE THAT DRIVING SKILLS MATTER (and for now, they think what’s under the hood is “guy stuff”), they’ll continue to drive carelessly. It’s fashionable among the female 17 year-old set to treat driving lightly. Evolve? YOU evolve. We’ll help drive you there. Oops, wait. Or can’t you take a page from the man’s book, where driving (and knowing a thing or two about your car) is seen as an important skillset?
If you are the exception to this rule (and it IS a rule), write me. I’d like to know you. But at least be evolved enough yourself to objectively observe the deplorable behaviour and cavalier risk-taking that’s on display out there by females out driving on our roads.
Words by catsfive on November 20, 2008 at 12:38 pm | #
I for one laughed my ass off at this cleverly-written piece of satire.
I’ve lived in Los Angeles, where the average driver is both aggressive and responsible, but where assholes nevertheless abound, and I’ve lived in Nashville, where a surprisingly large proportion of drivers are tentative and clueless. I understand perfectly and appreciate Suzanne’s point in poking fun at irresponsible drivers. Nice job outta you, Sue.
And to those too uptight to understand good satire when you read it, loosen up, willya?
Words by AJ on November 20, 2008 at 12:43 pm | #
Nice. You should come to Minnesota and experience what I like to call “Road Retardation”….Kind of the opposite of road rage. 80% of the people drive like my grandma, and then 10% drive with Jock-jams road rage (usually in an SUV or German vehicle) and then may be 10% of us are relocated here and are utterly confused….We signal to a oblivious population, understand yield signs, how to merge and that the far left lane is for passing…It’s amazing really, all of those no-brainers that work everywhere else in the country… even NYC and Chicago, and the people in this state look at you like you’re insane. You Betcha!
Words by seedy on November 20, 2008 at 12:46 pm | #
That was fucking stupid and horrible. Retire, your writing skills suck.
Words by Lame on November 20, 2008 at 12:49 pm | #
@sparkle. Do you have nice legs or a nice chest? If so, that would explain it. The guy just has a hard time watching the road. So in reality, it would still be your fault!
Words by JS on November 20, 2008 at 12:50 pm | #
“Testicles? Please send me yours?”
– I’m sure she would, but she doesn’t have any.. Did you notice that the author is a woman?
“I’ll take an attentive women over male drivers anyday – especially if I don’t have a separate cycle lane!”
– That’s a great idea. If we had a lane that women had to drive in when they’re on their “cycle” we’d have a fewer angry drivers.
The previous poster’s are right about the HID vs Halogen, however I find even properly aimed HIDs very annoying, but not near as annoying as those idiots who think their cars look cooler with the fog lights on and leave them on year-round.
Words by Charles on November 20, 2008 at 12:57 pm | #
What about the moron who speeds up to 130km/h at passing lanes just to slow back down to 90km/h after preventing everyone from passing him. (speed limit is 90km/h on highways)
Happens all the time on the hwy 17 in Ontario, Canada.
Words by From Canada on November 20, 2008 at 12:57 pm | #
Yep, these should all be punishable by death – the other one that really drives me crazy is when an oncoming car flashes me self-righteously to indicate that I’ve deliberately left my headlights on full-beam when they’re at their ordinary setting.
Usually happens in very light traffic when they’ve not encountered another vehicle in a while.
Words by Mike on November 20, 2008 at 12:58 pm | #
Hey sparkle,
Once again it is SARCASM.
Lighten up.
Words by Scatmasterdd on November 20, 2008 at 12:58 pm | #
Number 4 is wrong. I and 4 other cars got pulled over on I95 in South Carolina by 1 state trooper. I was the 4th car in line and thought I was safe. Wrong, none of us were.
Words by SF on November 20, 2008 at 12:59 pm | #
Suzanne Denbow: that probably means your driving too slow and $10 says your in the left lane. if the speed limit is 65, and your going 70 in the left lane, and everyone else is going 80 – 90, your either a royal bitch or a complete moron. Or old. either way, GET OUT OF the left lane so people can pass you – LEARN driving 101.
NJ is the most populated per acre state, which means a lot of people on the roads. I’m female, but im an alert and aggressive driver. anyone who is driving on the turnpike or parkway gets the middle finger if:
- your driving under 80 in the left lane
- your driving under 80 in the left lane and holding up 25 cars behind you and refuse to get in the middle lane, where people are still passing you (a middle finger and an F.you.)
- your on your phone, ie, practicing general jackassery
- rain makes you think the 65 speed limit sign means 35
- your slowing down to watch someone change a tire / piss in the grass / extinguish their car fire on the other side of the highway
- your driving in an exit only lane until 10 feet from the exit, at which point you are able to merge with oncoming traffic, requiring you to stop in the middle of the freaking parkway
- your driving a Hummer (own personal pet peeve – why are you commuting 50 miles in a hummer?).
Words by lauren on November 20, 2008 at 1:00 pm | #
please read this
Words by LLOYD on November 20, 2008 at 1:18 pm | #
Add to your list, “pull out in front of oncoming traffic as though you are the only one on the road, and make them hit the brakes so they don’t cream you!”
And to the ones taking this as “Instructions”, its a Joke! Sort of, just don’t do these things and other drivers wont want to “punch your lights out.”
Words by Don on November 20, 2008 at 1:27 pm | #
@Mike
A lot of people do that to warn of speed traps up ahead…..
Words by JimBob on November 20, 2008 at 1:30 pm | #
Two things that piss me off are bright headlights and people who do not use turn signals.
Words by Edge on November 20, 2008 at 1:30 pm | #
As a female, I find the best way to get somebody raging is to get fairly close to hitting the cars within 3 lanes of me and honking/gesturing/yelling at them like it’s their fault. Works every time. So does blowing kisses and waving my phone like I want their number.
Words by Kelly on November 20, 2008 at 1:35 pm | #
As has already been pointed out there are a few major issues with this one:
#1 it’s sad but true, I nearly always use my turn signals so I can attest to the fact that often other drivers will accelerate to stop you from changing lanes in front of them if they see you signal. Sometimes in bad traffic I have to not signal or I will be unable to change lanes at all.
#4 one of the easiest ways to incite road rage is to drive significantly slower than the flow of traffic. Too often do you see people driving 65Mph in the left lane when most people are driving 70+. It’s not your God given right to enforce the speed limit by becoming an obstacle. If you want to drive the speed limit and everyone else doesn’t keep to the right and everything will be fine.
#5 People from out of the state or out of the area are often unfamiliar with roads and routes in an area they are visiting. It’s common courtesy to cut them a little slack while they try to navigate in unfamiliar territory.
#8 As many have already mention Halogen lamps aren’t new, what you are thinking of is Xenon or HID (High Intensity Discharge) headlamps which are standard equipment on many imported cars and virtually all luxury vehicles. A properly installed (i.e. factory installed) HID headlamp system will not blind other drivers because it uses a special projector housing to focus the light on the road where it belongs. Where you have problems is where people improperly retrofit HID headlamps on cars that aren’t designed for them, with no projector housing the light is indeed blinding. Still others without the budget for a ghetto HID installation will simply install blue tinted halogen bulbs and run their brights.
Words by Robert Aitchison on November 20, 2008 at 1:51 pm | #
I’ll be brief: It does no good at all to signal a turn after you’ve already braked, slowed substantially and started to turn.
Words by Grog on November 20, 2008 at 1:59 pm | #
Just to give this dead horse a kick:
-Mis-aimed headlights are annoying.
-It’s not the “blue” lights that are annoying you dumbasses, it’s the idiot rice-boys who put HID capsules in their DOT housings, which aren’t designed for them.
Words by Charlie on November 20, 2008 at 2:06 pm | #
People don’t like me screaming, “SHOW ME YOUR TITS,” at them at the top of my lungs… especially the guys.
Words by woof on November 20, 2008 at 2:09 pm | #
Some resaerch into halogen headlights is requried before commenting on them.
Words by Rick on November 20, 2008 at 2:21 pm | #
anti so cal GIRL (yeah you spelled it wrong) I don’t think I’m a good driver, I KNOW I am
I’m not going off my own judgments alone, but the judgments and compliments of others. I am the girl who drives better than most guys (and I’ve been told more than once) This isn’t just for racing my Maserati on the track, but also everyday driving. Don’t be jealous! U just wish you had my skillz 
Words by SoCalGurl on November 20, 2008 at 2:48 pm | #
Here is Seattle, I find that the best way to piss off other drivers (and cause the occasional traffic accident) is to drive the speed limit. Since everyone tries to drive 10 MPH over the speed limit here, I end up going 10 MPH slower than everyone else. It causes no end of fun!
Words by Todd Freamer on November 20, 2008 at 2:52 pm | #
Speed limits are largely arbitrary, and are usually set too low. Go read about the 85th percentile rule for traffic. Then go to Germany and try to figure out why fewer of them die on their 160kmph average-speed highways than on our 130kmph average speed highways.
But hey, you’re probably right. To go too slow and be a moving roadblock is even better. Oh wait, speed differential is highly correlated with traffic collisions, whereas average speed of traffic isn’t! Hmm. Might have to re-think that one.
You want to stop being an asshole? Go get driver’s training beyond your basic 15 hour newbie course. Drive at the flow of traffic. Turn down your music, put your phone away, pay attention to what’s going on around you and make sure your car is in proper mechanical shape. Get summer tires in the summer and winter tires if it snows where you live.
Words by dresden_k on November 20, 2008 at 3:18 pm | #
wonderful article…but i’m not sure it was so helpful in my situation. see, i live in panama, where all these pointers are basically rules of thumb for drivers here. you can do all of this in front of cops…and THEY don’t even care! the most amusing though, was the picture for “drive like a woman”….i see that in 8 out of 10 cars here when i’m driving…and i’m a woman myself.
for future reference: consider turning on your high beams when someone cuts you off and then closely follow them for a while….AND….when someone honks at you for hours for no reason (again, an apparent LAW here in panama), just drive at the slowest speed possible, hit the brake every once in a while why dontcha? i have had a couple of fights with ppl for doing that…the greatest part?? you’re having fun, and they’re pissed as hell.
Words by dtotheo on November 20, 2008 at 3:23 pm | #
I don’t like to piss people off. (Well, I do… but I don’t do it unless provoked usually)
I drive 0-5MPH over posted limits. I will only go faster if passing an 18 wheeler and they’re planning on changing into my lane.
Now, if someone is behind me when I’m passing someone and decided to tailgate me, I’ll slow down to match the speed of the guy I was passing. I’ll speed up when he learns to stop tailgating me…
Words by Stephen on November 20, 2008 at 3:30 pm | #
The darkening clouds of the great depression are ushering in an age of no personal cars! An age of pleasantries exchanged in the lounge cars of Compressed Natural Gas high speed commuter trains. An age of Compressed Natural Gas powered rapid bus transit with Carbon fiber and polymer composite battery car front door to station platform travel! An age of public roadways for public transit vehicles primarily, and few if any gridlock situations! Relief to the overtaxed American citizens is coming! No longer will we have to invest huge parts of our incomes to purchase overpriced uneconomical automobiles just to get to work! No longer will we have to build McMansions just to satisfy commercially controlled building codes! We will live in zero running cost, zero upkeep solar and ground heat powered, LED lighted modest homes built for survival in tougher times. This will be mandated by a government responsible for our comfortable survival in times of high unemployment! 21st Century life will free us of the slavery of driving ourselves everywhere, and taking all the risks! No more gas bills, no more mechanics to pay off! No more high insurance premiums! No more high risk runs in the rain and snowstorms! No more “high personal investment on the line” traffic accidents! No more stolen vehicle losses! No more parking dilemmas! No more rusty cars in need of repair!
Much to OPEC’s chagrin, we are about to be set free from the auto-slavery of the 20th century, and thank God we need it!
Words by Uncle B on November 20, 2008 at 3:49 pm | #
Who wrote this article? Anne Coulter?
Words by foolinator on November 20, 2008 at 3:51 pm | #
Funny stuff! Excellent example of sarcastic-how-to’s! I loved every second of it, especially the “WOMAN DRIVER”….
I’ve been hit 5 times in my life, all were women!
There really should be a special test for women, since it’s apparent that I am not the only person who thinks that women drivers are a danger to everyone.
Great article….I feel SO sorry for all of those who took it seriously.
Words by doofus on November 20, 2008 at 3:55 pm | #
I spelled it RIGHT on purpose! Those who can’t even spell a 4 letter word right have no SKILLS! Well not driving skills anyways. Side seat skills are another thing! Proof of no skill is that you talk about racing cars. True racing is done on a 2 wheeled machine. Anyone with real “skillz” would know that. What is the old saying? “women drivers, no survivors!” =)
Words by anti-so cal GIRL on November 20, 2008 at 4:29 pm | #
uncle b, did they kick you out of nambla?
Words by js on November 20, 2008 at 4:30 pm | #
John, hash, sparkle, and everyone else who missed the satire in this article, grow a pair and donate them to LL.
Words by slowth on November 20, 2008 at 4:31 pm | #
driving with brights on isnt even listed? thats like number one!
and what about rolling down your windows blasting the most obnoxious music ever?
and if you are in front of many cars and a yellow light appears right before you pass the intersection remember to stomp the brakes so there is a nice long screech and if your lucky you will have a nice dent in your trunk.
Words by Chris on November 20, 2008 at 4:39 pm | #
@Lauren
YORE!!!!
Words by YORE on November 20, 2008 at 5:46 pm | #
Look, I am not some fucking retard like Michael Bay!
Fuck Eli Roth!
Words by Uwe Boll on November 20, 2008 at 6:31 pm | #
Whenever someone is tailgating me on the highway I will spray windshield wiper fluid. Repeat until the driver behind you must use their windshield wipers. It will take the driver awhile to realize what your doing but when they do they are usually furious.
Words by clb2112 on November 20, 2008 at 6:52 pm | #
i can’t believe so many people are concerned more with the correctness with which different light types used in cars are identified than with the fact that so many zombie-like people carry out these dangerous acts, implying they believe human life really isn’t that important, but not knowing your headlights, oh, that’s unforgivable. I call it the “Incorrigible working-class fetishist syndrome”.
Words by bleer on November 20, 2008 at 7:59 pm | #
oh my- great read. but as usual, the comments put it over the top and had me rolling on the floor… people will never cease to amaze me… with driving skills (errr… lack there of), comments, lack of understanding satire, and especially claiming to have the best driving skills with no perspective. for the record: I’m the best driver that has posted on this article… Bwahahahahahaha
Words by ss on November 20, 2008 at 8:46 pm | #
What Todd Freamer said about Seattle is VERY true! I am very from Seattle and I am now going to GU in Spokane and I HATE Spokane drivers! They always drive the speed limit and they don’t know how to drive in the rain! The other thing is that depends from area to area is merging! In Seattle, if you’re driving in traffic, you usually speed up to get over, not slow down. Here in Spokane, the rule is the opposite, people slow down to merge and it drives me NUTS! Also, people here have NO idea what rush hour traffic is! Anyways, driving is a very cultural thing.
Words by seattleite stuck in Spokane on November 20, 2008 at 9:07 pm | #
drive in a 3rd world country for real practice.
Words by jojomonkey on November 20, 2008 at 9:33 pm | #
Thanks for the tips! When I was winning the 2008 Indy Japan 300, I couldn’t believe my luck in managing to beat all those men with my inherent genetic disadvantage. What’s amazing is that I just keep on getting lucky. I think if I had read this article somewhere else I would have thought the author was a self-loathing cretin who was projecting her own inability to drive onto her gender. But this is ridelust.com, so it’s true! I have to get back to getting lucky and winning races, but I just wanted to stop by and say thanks!
-Danica
Words by Danica Patrick on November 20, 2008 at 10:07 pm | #
you completely forgot something!
I can’t really name it, but you know when there are two lanes, you keep up with the car in the other lane, so everybody behind you can’t pass.
In my eyes, that’s a pretty dickish move. especially to cops, cause it isn’t exactly against the law…
Words by Alex carter on November 20, 2008 at 10:23 pm | #
[...] read more | digg story [...]
Pingback by Road Rage 101: How To Piss Off Other Drivers « irrevocable stuff on November 20, 2008 at 10:47 pm | #
Now the number 10 is definitely something true: Women are surprisingly lacking the skill in driving cars or riding motorcycles. Perhaps they’re too cautious or easily distracted while on the road, but definitely they are driving my nerves sometimes.
Words by EF on November 20, 2008 at 11:17 pm | #
Halogen wrote, “Xenon is a halogen gas, so referring to xenon bulbs as halogens is technically correct.” Idiot. Xenon is a noble gas, not a halogen. Go back to school.
Words by acetone on November 21, 2008 at 12:46 am | #
awesome
Words by cybereclipse on November 21, 2008 at 12:49 am | #
That was a funny article… I laughed. I can’t believe others didn’t.
My personal favourite is riding the brake. Seeing people freak out in the rearview mirror provides a certain personal satisfation.
Words by HBA on November 21, 2008 at 2:00 am | #
I have not witnessed a woman performing 10b, but I did have a man do it to me.
It was a Sunday morning and we were the only people visible on a 4 lane freeway. He had 3 completely empty lanes to pass me with, but obviously would not be happy unless I was driving as fast as he wanted to drive.
So I take my foot off the accelerator and slowly decelerate. About a mile later he gets the bright idea to pass me, and flips me off with an attitude that he hs a better driver than me.
Words by Joe the Driver on November 21, 2008 at 2:13 am | #
Its a common mith that the lead car gets the ticket BUT!! its actualy the case car that gets the ticket. I know cause this happened to me.
Words by Mark on November 21, 2008 at 2:20 am | #
I’ve found equal numbers of male and female bad drivers. I think women drive differently than men, and so to a male mind that means a woman is a bad driver. It’s sad that this article has decided to cave into that type of stereotype. Would the author have said the same about a racial group (e.g. African Americans, Asians)? A religious group (e.g. Jews)? The elderly? Foreigners? Maybe. But it’s still idiotic and inflammatory.
Good job… but that’s ok, I won’t be visiting Ridelust in the future. Why would I?
Words by AMP on November 21, 2008 at 2:41 am | #
I like to think that I obey every rule in driving, expect speed.
Sometimes i like to be an asshole though
2 things:
- I ALWAYS drive with and the normal lights, and the front fog light’s. It’s illegal here, but never got trouble.
- Most of the time here, the exit ramp of the highway is divided, depending on whether you need to go left or right at the end. During traffic our the popular choice is always congested to a point where you stand still on the high way already.
Just pick the free side, where nobody has to go and merge in front of some stupid Merc A class bitch who stands still a few moments before completing the chain.
Ow, and one thing I hate, but i suppose that it completes the list.
HONK … always, and for no reason ..
URGH ! :-p
Words by xor on November 21, 2008 at 4:16 am | #
A lot of people do that to warn of speed traps up ahead…..
Words by alex on November 21, 2008 at 6:01 am | #
We’ll help drive you there. Oops, wait. Or can’t you take a page from the man’s book, where driving (and knowing a thing or two about your car) is seen as an important skillset?
Words by mehmet on November 21, 2008 at 7:55 am | #
come to delhi and know the rules
Words by anupam on November 21, 2008 at 8:08 am | #
[...] violence isnt a game of chance, but rather a highly scientific, learned skill.Get the low-down here:http://www.ridelust.com/road-rage-101-tips-to-piss-off-other-drivers/ Publicado por Becky en [...]
Pingback by Becky The Minx's Blog!: Road Rage 101 How To Piss Off Other Drivers on November 21, 2008 at 8:28 am | #
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Pingback by Coffee Break « The High Definite on November 21, 2008 at 10:34 am | #
Of course everyone knows that turning on a blinker gives you the right of way. All the other drivers are supposed to stop or slow down or move over or whatever it takes to ensure that you aren’t inconvenienced.
Words by Joe on November 21, 2008 at 10:47 am | #
I think everyone understood what the writer meant, it’s obvious we’ve all been blinded by the light in question… Of course, not to be outdone, the xenon HIDs are only blinding if they are purchased aftermarket for a car that isn’t supposed to have them, if if they are (generally are) in a focused lens and the car hits a bump.
P.s. I nearly pissed myself from the testicle comment from the woman “LL” I think? Bravo!
Words by akap! on November 21, 2008 at 11:17 am | #
@lauren
I think I’m in love!
Words by BigD on November 21, 2008 at 2:45 pm | #
Hell, mastering this is easy — play one of the GTA video games, or some other title close to it that involves urban vehicular warfare, like Midnight Club III. Then, when you can compete on the video game, you’re ready to go out and shred!
Yes, I am being sarcastic, AND satiric, like the article.
Words by MarkB on November 21, 2008 at 5:18 pm | #
As a lot of people mentioned…I feel the urge to do it myself…you probably meant Xenon headlights (HID) and not halogen. Halogen is on every common ordinary car.
Words by Cat on November 21, 2008 at 5:53 pm | #
If you want to see the worst driving I have ever seen, look up a video on driving in India and you will never complain about anyone’s driving here ever again. They have cows, dogs, pedestrians, camels, elephants, and bicycles going right through the center of the road. The traffic just veers around them. They also beep horns the entire time, for everyone to get out of their way and/or to let them know they are near each others car/motorcycle/tuk tuk(rikshaw cab). They also have no stop lights or signs, no real traffic laws, no car seats. Most children are hanging off the back of motorcycles. All of this going on in the busiest traffic mess you could ever see. The craziest thing I ever witnessed in my life.
Words by tracy on November 22, 2008 at 12:30 am | #
pathetic, so that how «Pay per Click» killed emancipation.
and for being sarcastic this article is just way too lame.
Words by max on November 22, 2008 at 7:29 am | #
Awsome article, love it. I wish my truck had the ability to go overtop most of the jerkoffs on the road. They are growing by the day…
Words by Jerry on November 22, 2008 at 11:26 am | #
Something something Headlights something Wrong. Blah blah.
Words by The Dentist on November 22, 2008 at 7:48 pm | #
Good article, like the sarcasm in it all. For those that keep arguing about the Xenon Bulbs which are halogens not HIDs. As a mechanic the ones that are being mentioned are the aftermarket setup which offer a clearer brighter light. Most cars come stock with Halogens but the watt ratings are really low. I run Xenon bulbs in mine at rating of 140/160 versus the normal stock rating of 40/60 (high and low beams) because my eye sight isnt that great in the dark. If adjusted right wont ever be in the drivers eyes unless course you have your high beams on. HIDs run totally different setup and require a lot more power but are often times brighter. The blue color given off by Xenon or other aftermarket halogen bulbs is just a coloring coating they put on. HID colors are rated by intensity blueish purple being one of the highest ratings. Yeah way off topic though, thought id help clear some stuff up. Like the article made me laugh and think about some of the drivers out there.
Words by Kman on November 23, 2008 at 6:15 am | #
I always put my left blinker on when turning right on a two lane road. That way people behind me get pissed at me because they could have gone around me on the left if I had used the right blinker.
Also, at nighttime if the joker ahead of you is a jerk, move slightly to his left so that your lights are reflecting off his side mirror and hitting his eyes. If you are not riding the bumper then he is totally awash in lights!!!
Words by JAKE on November 23, 2008 at 11:11 am | #
@lauren
Will you marry me?
Words by sponge on November 23, 2008 at 8:25 pm | #
or when people tailgate you, use your e-break to break check instead so they don’t see break lights and have no warning. then watch their facial expression in the mirror.
Words by bruce on November 24, 2008 at 6:48 am | #
You’re wrong about the headlights
Words by HEADLIGHTS on November 24, 2008 at 8:42 am | #
I can tell from reading #2 that YOU are a type of asshole. You’re that person who has to slow down to 2.3 mph just to make a damned turn. Sure nearly being rear-ended or honked at every time you turn into a parking lot would be a clear sign to some to hurry up and get the hell off the road, but no everyone ELSE are the assholes.
Words by raft on November 25, 2008 at 1:10 pm | #
This driving system is learned by all drivers here in Boston, MA. All the basics!!
Words by bigdaddy on November 25, 2008 at 8:00 pm | #
not all hondas and acuras are riceburners
dont hate
Words by great on November 25, 2008 at 9:07 pm | #
article, enjoyed it very much.
Words by alex on November 26, 2008 at 5:40 am | #
Regarding the not slowing down when someone is turning.
First of all, if you are turning, get the hell out of the way. Cars have suspension for a reason, and yes, you may feel a bit of body roll. This is normal. So when you turn, if you go incredibly slow and are holding me up, I’m going to be inches from you bumper because you are being ignorant, by turning to slow. (assuming dry road conditions) I want you to realize you’re holding up traffic, and as an experienced performance automotive driver, I can do this. Other people, should not be as bold as I.
Do not stick me in an intersection while you take your sweet ass time to go around a corner.
Seriously, get the hell out of the way.
Words by smart person on November 26, 2008 at 10:44 am | #
i s’pose you know that this is all basic everyday behaviour for drivers in the middle east, along with tailgating, swerving randomly, jigging from one lane to the next left and right to get one vehicle ahead, stopping randomly, 90degree right turns on freeway exits from the 5th or 6th lane and inter alia NEVER thinking about another driver. And my all time ersonal faveourite..ignoring the line and pushing in at the front. no wonder our traffic is at a standstill much of the time.
add to that the requirement to cal the cops for EVERY little mishap or your insurance won’t pay…
and the fully blacked out windows so at night the have to wind the windos down partially to see at all
Words by martin thomas on November 27, 2008 at 12:10 pm | #
F’in bull*$&%. Unsafe. Construction zones? Either you’re joking or ignorant.
Ken Creten
Words by Ken Creten on November 27, 2008 at 5:10 pm | #
All so very true, and I have to agree they are aggravating. I am one of the most calm drivers, but there are times that I lose my cool over these situations. Just today, while driving to work, the same person cut me off with no directional – twice! I started to think they were doing it on purpose. Then I looked in the car and guess what – surprise – they were on their cell phone. Ugh.
Seth
http://fun-dad.blogspot.com/
Words by Seth on November 29, 2008 at 10:47 pm | #
Yeah…if you’re hovering in the fast lane and someone comes up behind you, you need to get the hell over to the slow lane and allow them to pass. People sitting in passing lanes going the speed limit because they think they’re teaching a lesson to the freeway only end up causing gridlock. If proper lane control were in effect in LA we wouldn’t have to sit in our cars for three hours just to make it home at rush.
Words by Peters on November 30, 2008 at 10:41 am | #
forget to keep your fog lights on, regardless of the weather!!!
Words by alexx on December 4, 2008 at 4:32 am | #
I recognize this article as satire and written by a women. I actually found it pretty funny.
However, its the dumb comments that really get me.
If women are actually such bad drivers then why are insurance costs higher for men (b/c they are based on the fact that men get in more accidents)?
Words by big_red on December 9, 2008 at 10:46 pm | #
Ha, ha… drive like a women
Words by CarGuy on December 14, 2008 at 6:34 pm | #
I think I’m in love!
Words by erik on December 22, 2008 at 4:04 am | #
[...] out more Road Rage Tips at RideLust. Tagged: driving tips, piss off drivers, road rage, road rage 101, road [...]
Pingback by the Sublime Blog » Road Rage 101: How To Piss Off Other Drivers on February 4, 2009 at 5:53 pm | #
Great list! The only thing your missing is driving the same sluggish speed as the car next to you on a two lane parkway, so that you cut off all traffic behind you.
Words by mike on March 11, 2009 at 12:32 pm | #
When the driver in front of you crawls into the intersection intending to make a left turn before the light turns red and when they’re unable to make that turn because the light turns red before they get out far enough make sure you creep up to exactly the point where they can’t reverse back behind the white line. Not only will this piss them off but also aggravated will be the drivers turning left from the other side of the intersection who will have to be verrrry careful as they navigate to avoid the intersection intruding idiot. Devious!
Words by mackpayson on March 17, 2009 at 6:23 am | #
Good article, thank you. Some of the comments scared me thou. Some seem to take it seriously.
And to give my two cents. HID s are a must. Even though the visibility may be good and street lightning is ok IF you have the money to get a Maserati with HIDs then they have to be on . good to be BLUE.but orange or red are good too. Have to be set on the high beam. Also the fog lights have to be hi quality HIDs also and have to be all the time on. the plebs with burning eyes have to feel when the royal blood is passing nearby!
Words by jack on March 21, 2009 at 3:35 am | #
What? No Booze while driving? No Cheech &Chang cigar-size joint while driving? No 160 decibel loud speakers? No “10 guys & girls in the back seat”? No “Jack-out-of-the-box”? (open the roof hatch and sit on the roof while steering with your feet on cruise control)? No drawing eights with your wheels on the pavement? No chicken race?No “jumpin’ humpin’” on 70 Mph? (suspension that expands suddenly, causing the car to jump, works independently if you want). No nitrous? No dozen fog lights? No 120 different sounds horn?
Naaaah, you’re a very nerdy driver. Chicken, puk-puk-puk-puk. Turn around so I can give you a wedgie, looooooooser.
Words by Sadi on April 9, 2009 at 10:08 pm | #
Hi– i m a women and i can drive a dodge ram (big bugger) around cornwall,england-(small roads!) and i can apply make-up,change the cd in the player,have a cigarette, tell the kids off in the back,take the right turning off a duall carriage way and call my husband to find out if he s in the pub all at the same time!! and all i come across is men that dont take notice of other drivers!!! go girls,of course we re better drivers!!!
xxx
Words by dani(and bob) on May 17, 2009 at 5:24 pm | #
Women’s insurance is not cheaper because they have fewer accidents statistically. Look it up. In reality (not all but better than 50%, that making it a majority) women/elderly/other notably statiscically bad driver are ahead of pile ups and accidents causing accidents behind them. Remember it’s not that fact that you personally get hit, its the fact that you cause someone else to. If I shoot accross 4 lanes at the last second I will probably be ok, it’s the drivers behind me having to lock their brakes up that either skid out of control, get rear ened etc. Oh and to the person that posted an ad as if they were Danica Patrick…You’re a moron. First of all I will say she can drive around a track in a Formula 1 car better than I can. But then again I my parents were never rich enough to afford to have me racing around tracks most of my natural life.
That said she definitely does not prove anything for the rest of the women drivers. All she proves is that after many many years of professional experience a female driver can be better than less than half of the men drivers in her profession, oh and being a hot chick will get you all kinds of publicity. Winning one race doesn’t prove anything, most every other time she doesn’t fare that well. She has ONE win out of like 67 starts. Yea your right she’s a better driver than every man on earth…idiot
Words by Justin on May 19, 2009 at 8:37 pm | #
Oh and to SoCalGurl, in the great words of Dr. House…Your’re a Moron! Serisously? Did you really think anyone would buy your b.s. story about your Maserati this and your Maserati that. Go F’ yourself…actually better yet drive your Imaginary Maserati off a cliff so you do not further contaminate the gene pool, thanks. Just because you hear about a car in a rap song or see it in a video on your little tv doesn’t mean that YOU personally own one, or that you should just tell people you do as well as race it…against who? or what? Nice try again. Reinvent your reality elsewhere biatch
Words by Justin on May 19, 2009 at 8:44 pm | #
hahaha, very nice article. As i can see now, I’m quite an expert at this but then again, I’m not an american… and all those, who moan that this is dangerous.. not funny.. childish and don’t like to be flashed… FU.. you all! learn to drive and nobody’s gonna have a problem with you. and yes, not all women are bad drivers.. only about 99.9% of them.
Words by ghost on June 23, 2009 at 5:32 am | #
I just ride a motorcycle naked and follow random people to there driveways and then speed away, that really screws with em!
Danica is exactly right on her comment, i mean just look at how many times she has won the chamionship……oh wait…
Words by dalton on July 30, 2009 at 7:47 am | #
It’s amazing how so many people after reading this one artical can get so riled up. I’m sure the author never thought this much commotion would appear over the fact she made a joke on a common “stereo type” of drivers.
If you follow the entire artical obviously your not ment to take this as a “serious” artical, nor a guide line in any ways. Purely a joke on her part. Heck, she proably owns a car and drives it everyday.
I personally have to say I hate the drivers who smoke infront of you and then flick the butt out the window. I’m a “Green” person but not enought to become an crazy person about it but what pisses me off is the total disregard of the earth, by them flicking their butts onto the ground. Find an ashtray and put in your car. Throw the stuff away where it belongs and not on the ground!
Words by sunnydiggy on September 2, 2009 at 11:02 pm | #
Fabulous!!! Simply fabulous! I always drive like a woman or better yet a man in drag! I must admire myself in any and all mirrors all the time so it is obvious that I will not see any side or rear traffic. And So what, who cares! As long as I can gaze at my beautiful face and text message on my handy while sipping on my mocha latte, while singing show tunes. Men honking are just closeted and women doing the same are just envious bitches
Words by Harmon on September 26, 2009 at 9:43 pm | #
bull shit if you come through my parking lot at 45 to 65 mph and im pushing carts you damn well better expect a loose cart flying your way cause you dont need to be indangering a worker
Words by Alvin Yakatori on November 2, 2009 at 10:38 am | #
Brilliant, i wish it worked like this. I abide by this system here in Johannesburg, South Africa, although it has landed me in trouble a couple of times!
Words by GG on December 2, 2009 at 4:12 am | #
The picture that you have of the speed limit sign is misleading, it should read somewhere in the order of 670k m/ph. Just busting balls.
Words by Peter on December 12, 2009 at 6:05 pm | #
Most succesfull method is driving like a women
There are many methods to make other drivers mad: Just show right finger.
Words by auto oglasi on December 29, 2009 at 3:41 am | #
[...] Know what really grinds my gears….. Road Rage 101: How To Piss Off Other Drivers __________________ [...]
Pingback by Know what really grinds my gears..... - Page 2 on December 30, 2009 at 8:04 pm | #
HA
Words by dayne on January 11, 2010 at 10:35 am | #
well done !
Words by vermin on March 1, 2010 at 6:44 am | #
no more halogen comments? lol
justin – you need to stop hating… have some fun… ha – get laid asswhipe!
Words by h.steeb on March 5, 2010 at 3:39 pm | #
@lauren -
i’m a chick and i even say “marry me”! lol keep on sister…
Words by h.steeb on March 5, 2010 at 3:42 pm | #
Darn funny! This especially applies to the average native Ohio resident! Most of them drive like crap!!!
Words by jack on March 7, 2010 at 12:01 am | #
Maybe the next one will be the top ten signs/descriptions of the drivers, described above (who are most likely to exhibit these driving habits)— 1. People wearing hats (in any type of car). 2. drivers in mini vans (almost always a complete asshole of a driver). 3. People with crap tied to their antennas (especially ribbons), rear view mirrors, or large objects on their dash (like the crown air fresheners found in cabs–and everyone knows- cabbies always drive like crap). 4. Complete POS vehicles that look like they should be in a demolition derby (makes you wonder if they even have insurance). 5. Blue heads (old folks)- that’s a given. 6. Native Ohio resident’s- that a given. 7. Women who can’t stop talking- even while driving without a hands free device (especially applies to the drama queen types who take it on the road). 8. Did I mention native Ohio drivers? 9. Native Ohio drivers. 10. The f****** dumbest people/drivers I have ever seen in the US (who get behind the wheel)— native Ohio drivers.
Words by jack on March 7, 2010 at 12:24 am | #
Also, I agree,… India drivers are the worst (including Saudi Arabia, Korea, etc…). However, Ohio drivers are the biggest concentrated group of asshole drivers in the US I have ever encountered (when you proportion the ratio/number of the drivers per area (vs a much larger city like LA, Atlanta, DC, NY, or Boston).
Words by jack on March 7, 2010 at 12:34 am | #
Thanks,
even if you flunked psych 055 those funky drivers remind you of someone
you know, of course not the guy shaving this morning, getting ready for
the mornings tactical drive to work.
Words by carter johnson on March 31, 2010 at 1:01 am | #
Gommer
Need to look at the Asian too, the `DWO’ folks. No one in the
left seat, only white knuckles and a small hat riding in the
Nissan Water Buffalo.
Words by carter johnson on March 31, 2010 at 1:34 am | #
Hilarious article and so true. Love the assholes with the headlight “clarification”. Nothing like missing the point.
Words by Rick on April 28, 2010 at 3:30 pm | #
Nothing like the guy who drives 23 1/2 MPH around a curvey section of highway, with no possibility of overtaking them, and then they speed up to 75 MPH when the road straightens out a bit and then back to 23 1/2 MPH when the road starts to bend again. This only happens when I am in a hurry to get somewhere important and (never fails) have left a few minutes late. This is where the saying, “Throw caution to the wind”, is derived. Hammer Down! Finger Up! Horn blaring! Lead, Follow, or Get the Hell Out of My Way!!!
Words by ricky lafferty on May 4, 2010 at 8:51 pm | #
Yes! I love to text while driving, and treating construction zones as obsticle course is always fun too!
Lou
Words by Jo Dean on May 29, 2010 at 8:43 am | #
Forgot one that is popular in the USA: If you are driving a truck or SUV/Crossover/RV/Van/other vehicle with a tall front end, be sure that you block the visual path of EVERY car making a right turn when you are going a different direction. Creep up and even cross the stop line if you have to, just to be sure the right turn on red driver gets NO opportunity to see the traffic. If you have to wait to cross 2 lanes to go straight or turn left, then how can you possibly let the driver turning right have any clear view of the one lane they must merge into? This rule applies especially to every general contractor pickup, every landscaping crew truck and other vehicles that show phone numbers on the door so that when I can’t see shile making a right turn on red, I can clearly memorize who to NOT call. No, Mazda Miata are not the only vehicles that make right turns on red.
Words by Spuffler on June 9, 2010 at 8:25 am | #
shile = while
Words by Spuffler on June 9, 2010 at 8:26 am | #
Words by Someguy on November 20, 2008 at 3:27 am:
“What a pathetic list. Keep laughing after someone dies from your bullshit. . .”
Someguy is obviously not a fan of satire. Probably thinks Jonathan Swift was a comic book superhero.
I enjoyed this. The sheer political incorrectness of the last part is true art. It was a bit dumbass to blow the halogen/HID part, but nobody really cares. Some who commented on it don’t know much either, since a small percentage of the gas in high performance halogen bulbs is, in fact, xenon.
Words by Edsel Ford on June 20, 2010 at 6:06 pm | #
Never seen this article before. Pretty funny stuff. How come you do not write for ridelust anymore?
Words by Miles on June 30, 2010 at 2:56 pm | #
“SUNNYDIGGY” you should probably read a bit more thoreau, sell squash and hemp necklaces in the ditch for the rest of your life, drive your prius tardmobile and STFUP.
Words by Alli on August 5, 2010 at 5:06 pm | #
Better drive like a woman
Words by Jongar Hurbauty on August 24, 2010 at 10:21 am | #