Referred to as “I Can” [as in, “I Can Own A Porsche Without Participating In The Trafficking of Narcotics,”], Porsche’s new online interactive program allows users to create their own desktop wallpaper by uploading a picture of their own driveway and then integrating a Porsche model of their choosing into the foreground. To ensure the finished product appears authentic enough to show you what you could achieve without your nagging wife [for convenience, shovels and duct tape included in the upgrade package with all Porsche coupes], Porsche provides several Photoshop-type editing tools to adjust the size, color, and sharpness of the vehicle.
Although I was pretty impressed with my photo-editing prowess, a well-meaning friend of mine was kind enough to point out that the picture I created above utterly fails to communicate the “I am a wildly rich and successful creative genius” theme I was going for. Instead, my friend explained, given my gross annual income and my decidedly blue-collar neighborhood, my picture only makes it appear as though I have either a.) adopted the Heidi Fleiss business model or b.) begun dating a man thrice my age. Unfortunately he’s right…there go my plans for one hell of a Christmas card.