Looking back at my own life, I can only think of two or three ex-girlfriends who’d want to see me dead. Of those, I can only think of one who’d actually go to extraordinary measures to pull it off, so I won’t be signing up to lease a new Land Rover Discovery 4 Armored SUV any time soon. Jacksonville has a high crime rate, but it isn’t that high and good situational awareness is enough to get you by.
On the other hand, if you’ve got more ex-girlfriends who are proficient with firearms or explosives, live in a really bad neighborhood (like Basra, Iraq) or are worth truly obscene amounts of money, then you probably should give the armored Disco a look. It’s got enough reinforcement to meet European standards BS EN 1522 level FB6 and BS EN 1063 level BR6, and can withstand a direct under-floor attack from two DM51 hand grenades. An IED with 30 pounds of TNT, detonated in “reasonable proximity” to the Disco still won’t kill you, although the truck is likely to need some bodywork afterward. Do I even need to tell you that it will repel all conventional small arms fire? In other words, you’re safe unless your ex is proficient with a Barrett .50 caliber rifle, or has more than 30 pounds of TNT at her disposal.
As you’d expect, an SUV that weighs in at nearly four tons isn’t going to be quick or nimble. The Discovery 4 Armored is powered by Land Rover’s 5.0 liter V8, good for 370 horsepower and a zero to sixty time just north of 10 seconds. Like all Land Rovers, it’s capable off road, although I’d personally avoid deep sand and heavy snow in a four ton SUV. It also comes with their “Terrain Management System”, which allows the driver to fine tune vehicle dynamics (throttle response, steering, traction control, differential lock, ride height, etc.) to the environmental conditions.
Land Rover’s press release didn’t disclose pricing on the Armored Disco, but if you’re a serious client the price of admission isn’t important to you. Buying one is a process that involves dialogue with a security consultant, so the truck can be equipped to deal with your anticipated threats. Once delivered, the owner (or driver) has access to a comprehensive driver training program, aimed at keeping you alive when ex-girlfriends or kidnappers haver other ideas. As if that wasn’t peace of mind enough, the Discovery 4 Armored comes with a three year, 80,000 kilometer factory warranty.