Featured Articles

How Not To Handle a Speeding Ticket: With a Box of Urine-Soaked Change

Posted in Bizarre, Newsworthy, Politics, Traffic by Vito Rispo | April 1st, 2009 | Leave a Reply |


Apparently it’s not illegal to send a box of bodily fluids through the mail, so long as its properly packed. This opens up so many possibilities for me. Who knew?

Anyway, this little nugget of information came to light after 47-year-old Michael Harold Lynch decided to pay for his $206 dollar speeding ticket with a bag of small change that he peed on. He also sent an angry letter.

When the pee/payment package arrived at the county courthouse, they took one whiff and sent it back, along with a letter suggesting Mr.Lynch pay with a more traditional method. Apparently, “For all debts, public or private” doesn’t apply when soaked in urine.

Granted, urine soaked change is pretty damn nasty, but I’m fairly certain they would have sent it back whether it was peed on or not. Who feels like counting out 200 bucks in nickels? Certainly not some government employee. So yeah, of course they sent it back, and they did it COD, so the pee pirate had to pay an additional $27.30 in postage due.

In the end, Michael Harold Lynch not only had to pay for the original speeding ticket with a check, but he had to pay the $27.30 postage due when the box of pee-change was returned, and a $65 late fee for screwing around the second time he sent payment. Now, I hate speed limits as much as the next hardcore anarcho-capitalist (see: one, two, three), but I realize you just can’t fight the man.

It is a shame though, I mean, where have out freedoms gone? A country where you can’t pay for things with a legal tender doused in your own urine or the urine of others… that’s no country I care to live in. No sir.

So Michael, your best bet: Get a boat. Move to a seastead one day.

Our Best Articles

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *