When it comes to diets, I’m an omnivore leaning towards the meatitarian side. I’ve tried tofu, which is essentially congealed soy milk, and to me it’s always tasted like sweat socks cooked in dishwater. That’s when it tastes like anything at all, which it usually doesn’t; imagine my surprise, then, when a vegetarian and PETA member in Tennessee purchased a license plate that read “I Love Tofu.”
Actually, the plate read ILVTOFU, which could be interpreted in several ways, only one of which is innocent and relates to wholesome but tasteless vegetarian food products. The other way, which is embraced by DMVs in Colorado, Florida, Virginia (and now Tennessee) is “I Love To Engage In Sexual Intercourse, Perhaps With Anyone And Everyone Reading This License Plate,” or in simpler terms, “I LV TO F U.” The plate was subsequently called back by the Tennessee DMV, prompting a press release from PETA on the benefits of eating tofu and the evils of eating meat. And the absurdity of a DMV reading too much into a license plate.
Personally, I wonder why no one has addressed the evils of eating tofu, which is more likely to cause gagging and vomiting than knocking boots with the member of the opposite sex in the car behind you. Perhaps I’ll ring up the other PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals) and see if we can put together a press conference. Over a big plate of bacon, of course.