The R35 Nissan Skyline GT-R has spent more time careening loose and mean around the Nürburgring than just about any car over the past two years. As a result of such consistent corporate sponsored hoonery the brute currently holds a hotly debated production car lap-time record. This did not go unnoticed by officials at the legendary Green Hell.
Recently, between a second helping of wursts and a sixth helping of weissbier, the Big-Heads at the ‘Ring picked the R35 Nissan Skyline GT-R to fill in as the new, official Nürburgring rapid response rescue vehicle — much cooler than the old Skoda Octavia wagons I saw plowing headlong around the track when I was there two summers ago.
The car is equipped with a full roll cage, a fire retardant tank , a functional hose reel and an equipment bay in the trunk. All the better to save the Rubes.
Let’s cook a nice little scenario:
You’ve been dying to run a hot lap at the ‘Ring since you first brought home Gran Turismo 4 so many years back. You’ve had what professional automobile racers and unrepentant lap hogs call “little to no real world preparation.” You’ve finally hawked enough illicit drugs and bootlegged DVD’s to minors to afford a trip over to gear-head mecca and you’ve secured yourself a nice track-prepped rental BMW for a day of laps. When you get there the track mentally staggers you, but you recall all those hours spent in front of the big screen television — you can screw through digital Adenauer Forst or Karussell in your sleep. Why in hell would this be any different? You hand 30 Euro to the gate attendant and the gate rises. You let the clutch of the bimmer out slowly and confidently squeeze on the gas — 60, 90, 110, 120 miles an hour. And you lose it. You blast into Schwalbenschwanz too damn hot, you lift off the accelerator and the rear of the car begins to rotate (your Cobalt never does this on highway off-ramps!) and you panic. You slam the brakes, they lock up, you burst over the curbing like belly fat over a girdle and you smack the armco hard. There’s some teeth sticking out of the suede wrapped steering wheel, a lot of smoke and a lot of pain. Lucky for you there’s a Nissan GT-R somewhere on the track waiting for an amateur like you to do just this sort of thing. At the very least an official will be there to pull you from your Bavarian Coffin in 7 minutes 26.7 seconds. Thank Jesus, they chose the right car.