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Five Cars, And Their Food Equivalent

Posted in Cool Stuff, Featured, Guide by Kurt Ernst | January 25th, 2011 | 16 Responses |

Can I get that with a six speed and the 3.73 rear?

One of life’s great joys is a good meal, enjoyed in the company of friends. Likewise, I’d rank an epic cross-country-road trip, or a run up a winding mountain road, in the same category, but only if you have the right car. Jumping back to the food analogy for a second, you wouldn’t serve caramelized onions over ice cream, just as you wouldn’t want an Olds Vista Cruiser for your run up Mulholland or a Lotus Elise for a haul from New York to LA. This got me thinking that cars really do have their equivalent in food, so below are five cars and the food that represents them. Am I right, or have I just made you hungry?

Toyota Camry = Boiled White Rice

Toyota Camry

There’s nothing wrong with boiled white rice, and you can live on it for a long, long time if you prefer a bland diet. Likewise, there’s noting wrong with the Toyota Camy, but to the driving enthusiast it’s a soul-less appliance, with all the taste appeal of boiled rice. Hold the soy sauce, please, because that would be too spicy.

Ford Mustang GT = Meatloaf

2011 Ford Mustang GT

Image: Ford Motor Company

Let’s face it: the modern muscle car is the equivalent of comfort food, and nothing defines comfort food better than meatloaf. Having a bad day? Meatloaf, or a few hammer-down sprints from a traffic light in a Mustang GT will set you right. If you’re a bow-tie guy, the same could easily be said about the Camaro; like the Mustang (or meatloaf), you know it’s not good for you long term, but sometimes you just need a big plate of the stuff anyway.

Mazda Miata = Sushi

2006 Mazda MX-5

Most people I know who claim to hate sushi (which is a broad category of both raw and cooked food on rice) have never actually tried sushi; likewise, most people who deride the Miata as a “chick car” have never experienced the joy of a corner taken at speeds that seem to defy physics, or of a properly rev-matched downshift with the wind in your hair. In both cases, if the unwilling would just give it a chance, there’d be a lot more sushi bars with Miatas parked in front of them.

Cadillac Escalade = Ribeye Steak

2011 Cadillac Escalade

Image: © GM Corp.

I love steak, but I’d be the first to tell you that it’s bad for both your health and the environment. Cows eat a lot, take up a considerable amount of land and produce copious amounts of waste (including climate-changing methane). Likewise, Cadillac’s big SUV is a single-digit salute to environmentalists everywhere, but it’s big and obscenely comfortable and a rolling testament to testosterone. In the food world, it’s the equivalent of a two-inch thick ribeye steak, cooked medium-rare and smothered with mushrooms fried in butter. You know that sooner or later it’ll destroy your world, but at the dinner table or behind the wheel, it’s awfully hard to care.

Nissan Leaf = Falafel

2011 Nissan Leaf

Falafel, if you’ve never had it, is the middle-eastern equivalent of a hot dog. It consists of meal made from chickpeas and spices, rolled into balls and tossed into the deep fryer. Typically, it’s served in a pita with shredded lettuce and a yogurt based sauce. Like the Leaf, you can convince yourself that eating a falafel is better for you than the alternative. Also like the Leaf, that may not be the case: just as the Leaf uses electricity that’s likely produced from a coal-fired power plant, a falafel is high in sodium and deep fried in oil. Strangely enough, both produce range anxiety; eat a falafel, and you’ll be hungry again a lot sooner than you expected.

So what cars and foods did I miss? Am I right or wrong on the ones I called?

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16 Responses

  1. Nephilim says:

    This concept is a riot and the choices are perfect, especially the meatloaf and Mustangs. I’m trying to figure out what my TJ Wrangler would be. Gotta think on this one….

  2. Set says:

    The comparisons are spot on. Love it.

  3. SNAK3 says:

    Honda Civic- ramen noodles
    Just in base form its satisfying it will get you from a to b, but nothing special. It’s usually really cheap. Most college students have it at one point or another. It’s your fall back plan when money becomes scarce. You can mod it, and make it more for your tastes really easily and usually cheaply. When you fully modify it you think God himself had a hand in creating it, but most regular people just laugh at you ,and in the end it’s still just a civic or ramen.

    • Nephilim says:

      The Civic and Ramen stock vs. modded are perfect. This is probably gross to most folks but I used to use sliced hot dogs and a very liberal dose of McIlhenney’s Tabasco in my ramen.

  4. What food is the equivalent of a Mercedes? This will be a hard one because there are many classes; low end Cclass all the way to expensive S class.

    I think the BMW 3-series is a buffalo wing; it’s drivers are usually young, drive aggressively and like to show off.

    • Kurt Ernst says:

      AHC, since Mercedes is a manufacturer, I’d have to go with a type of food, and the obvious choice would be German. Eating German food, like driving a Mercedes, gives me an overwhelming sense of contentment, and both make me want to invade France afterward. There’s a reason why my wife rarely cooks Sauerbraten, and why I don’t drive a Mercedes. Ultimately, nothing good would come of it.

  5. eddie_357 says:

    a arbarth 500 is a spicy meat-a ball-a

  6. Kurt Ernst says:

    SNAK3, agree 100% on the Civic / ramen thing. Great call!

    Nephilim, I had a college roommate who’d split uncooked ramen noodle cakes in half, douse them with barbecue sauce, sprinkle on the flavor package and top with the other half of the uncooked noodles. THAT was gross.

  7. BigRuss says:

    any pickup truck/van – cold cut sandwich

    you cant go wrong with a cold cut for lunch, its a fairly easy staple in your work day and seeing as pickup trucks and vans are used for the majority of carry-all work horses in the States

  8. I want to invade France too but they don’t make any good cars at all. The only French car I have heard of is the Renault. French food is a lot better than German. However I do like Sauerkraut, it’s not bad.

  9. shani lynn says:

    NIce cars good food what more could anyone ask for…perhaps horses??? articles about horsesb and racetracks article on your sites…

  10. lisa Fisher says:

    veyron = anything made with olestra. -like those fat free chips- i swear you can be eating and pooing simultaneously. passes through you in a blur.