The pantheon of faux inventions always has more than its fair share of perpetual motion machines, anti-gravity devices, and of course, water-powered internal combustion engines. Every so often, one of these water engine inventors manages to convince a local news station to air their tale of woe: oil companies, evil government agents, and the Stonecutters monkeys from the Simpsons are persecuting them for creating an invention to free us from the shackles of petroleum dependence! Today, we give you Paul Patone’s GEET (Global Environmental Energy Technology) System, a lawnmower engine that runs on a mixture of Mountain Dew, gasoline, and schizophrenia. Oh, don’t worry, there’s no explanation about why he choose Mountain Dew. Maybe a Pepsico rep came to him in a vision, bearing golden tablets written in Reformed Dew. Honestly, make up your own Scientology-sounding explanation – it will probably make more sense than the “truth” according to Patone.
His claims are almost as awesome as the concept of a Dew-powered motor. First of all, it makes ZERO pollution. Second, it is so good that he has been “relentlessly persecuted” and was formerly confined to a mental institution (in Utah!), preventing the world from realizing the amazing benefits of his sugary plans. But there’s good news, boys and girls: Patone put up his plans just before being committed, so you can make your way over to a Dutch site dedicated to this famous inventor and download the plans yourself! And he’s now out, building a school to spread the Dew-addled GEET gospel. Glory halleluiah!