Some car companies get it, some don’t, but the ultimate key to developing a vehicle’s image is successfully targeting the appropriate demographic [there's a reason why you don't see many 21-34 white males driving station wagons]. As was the case with the following companies [and one surprisingly "hip" government agency], the 5 commercials that made our list are the funniest, most perfect examples of the success one single smartass in your marketing department can create. We still might not want to buy the car, but at least they’ve earned themselves a little cred with the masses.
1. SEAT Panda
An oldie but goodie, this ad from Spanish auto company SEAT was banned from television and makes our Number 1 spot for flagrantly violating our commonly held ride-law that the guy with the hotter car always wins.
The other day Jalopnik, inspired by our list of the “10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid,” good naturedly [we choose to assume] generated their own list, “5 Cars ‘Guaranteed’ To Not Get You Laid.” The list itself was spot-on and scored considerable bonus points with us for including the Toyota Prius, but a few of the site’s commenters shared some slightly-less-than-glowing appraisals of our list. Admittedly, our [read: my] first instinct was to politely instruct the naysayers to lick our figurative balls - but at least one of them had stopped engaging in same-sex relations long enough to suggest a pretty decent idea: what about a list of cars that will get the common man laid? I mean sure, it’s a given the Bugatti Veyron will score you some tail, but what normal guy can afford one? So we decided to create a new list of cars [and two trucks] ranked by price from least [20k] to greatest [60k] that are guaranteed to get the Average Joe laid.
1. Dodge Ram 1500 ST
Prior to 1994, driving a Dodge Ram pick-up truck would’ve earned you an appreciative nod at Home Depot and not much else. After undergoing some significant cosmetic revision, however, the Dodge Ram emerged from the factory as a half-ton, big rig-inspired, “macho man” [here's to you, Randy Savage] pick-up truck. The unique chrome grill was a new accessory too, and made the new Dodge Ram 1500 immediately distinguishable from its other pick-up truck brethren. To break it down mathematically: ”muscle” plus “bling” is [greater than or] equal to “road head.”
Even through the pain of the after-effects of last night’s drinking binge, we still managed to work ourselves into a lather over our eBay Motors Find of the Day: a 1972 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme. For some hot-rodders, there’s a point where a ride can jump the shark, and it’s usually somewhere between “Lambo doors” and “Louis Vuitton upholstery.”
We here at RideLust, however, can’t get enough of “tastefully overdone” custom jobs - and we absolutely lost our minds over this one. Its got everything we cream over: suicide doors, 12″ sub woofers, a remote-start Corvette LS-1 engine, and it’s positively drenched in Louis leather.
We’re huge fans of Despair Inc. and all the spin-off demotivational posters it has inspired, so today we decided to share a few of our favorites with you…
…plus we’re also slightly hungover, and this will buy us some time to sober up a little.
Last summer, I visited Mexico with a few friends. One of those friends was the internationally famous musical sensation Joshua Schulman from the band “Thunderbang!“. Josh was the driver and I was primarily the passenger. I sat back, drank Pernod, and took in the beautiful scenery and heavy aromas. I was also in charge of the radio, and bribing officials when we encountered trouble. Bring lots of extra cash to Mexico.
Now, driving in Mexico City is insane. We rented a car, a Nissan Tsuru (although we were given a Chrysler Town & Country), to visit the Toltec ruins in Tula, and on the way back had the misfortune of getting lost north of Mexico City’s historic district, where, among other mistakes, we drove through a market and almost killed a number of extended families.
Josh was nice enough to highlight some of the choice bits of driving wisdom he learned from this harrowing experience in Mexico City:
On May 17, 2008, Scion sponsored an event in Boulder City, NV called “Scion United”, effectively publicizing the rapidly growing Scion cult. Over 300 cars made it to the event, some hailing all the way from the East Coast, and are featured in Scion’s newest commercial.
Obviously tuner cars are not a new theme, for every tricked out Scion tC, there’s two equally bad ass Honda Civics [we use "bad ass" in a relative sense] - but Scion is the first company to cater specifically to that demographic. According to Scion’s corporate manager Dawn Ahmed, ”We have 600,000 owners, and the community gets more passionate…every day.”
To view commercial spot and photo gallery, click “Read More”.
Not scheduled to make its grand entrance until 2009, the much-anticipated Mercedes-Benz ML 450 2-Mode Hybrid is at the top of almost every upper class Greenie’s wish list. Co-designed with BMW and GM, the Mercedes ML 450 Hybrid will mark the German luxury symbol’s first foray into the eco-friendly world ["Thad, remind our driver he's picketing 'big oil' tomorrow, won't you dear?"]
A 3.5L V6 gasoline engine and twin 120kW electric motors boost the ML 450 Hybrid ICE’s [Internal Combustion Engine] standard performance from 279-hp to a powerful 321-hp, all while maintaining the stark quiet synonymous with both hybrid vehicles in general and Mercedes-Benz luxury [and providing optimum acoustics for listening to your “Das Engeri” audio book].
I’m a huge fan of free market solutions to social problems. I’m actually what you’d call an anarcho-capitalist, or a market anarchist; which is basically just someone who likes freedom and dislikes monopolies. And government is the biggest and most dangerous monopoly of them all. So anytime there’s a simple economic solution to a bigger problem that government may want to get involved in, I’m all for it.
Essentially an elongated version of the Porsche 911, the new 2009 Porsche Panamera bears a striking resemblance to its progenitor and, unfortunately, the Ambiguously Gay Duo’s Duo-car. Glaring design flaw aside, the new Panamera is definitely an innovative move for Porsche; with this new front-engine, 4-door sedan, Porsche will begin inserting itself [giggle] into other luxury/super car markets.
Publicly fingering [snicker] the almighty Mercedes-Benz CLS as a direct competitor, the Porsche Panamera is already preparing to call down the performance-sedan thunder. Although too soon to indentify a clear winner, we will [briefly] abandon the sexual innuendo in favor of a sports-related metaphor and compare the two competitors.
I’ve always liked the Ford Taurus. I’ve owned 2 in my lifetime, and they’ve generally served me well. That’s why I was so perplexed when Ford decided to abandon the name. The Ford company had this apparent bout of corporate weirdness a while ago and decided that all the new cars they produced would have to start with the letter F; Fusion, Freestyle, Five Hundred. So they tossed out one of the most iconic and recognized brand names in automotive history, and replaced it with…a number. If anything, they should have just called it the F-Taurus. Eh? Faurus? No?
