I’m a pretty easygoing guy, and I’m generally not one to lecture on wrong versus right, especially when it comes to issues of style. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, and nothing says that louder than the car you drive, how you treat it and how you customize it. There are a few sins I can’t forgive, because everytime I see them it’s like nails across a chalkboard inside my head. Please, people, for the love of God, don’t do any of the following to your car.
There are a lot of things in the world to worry about: crime rates, the failing economy, your receding hairline and the overall decline of western civilization, to name but a few. Worry about the zombie apocalypse, or the H1N1 flu, or aliens coming to earth to harvest your organs for their intergalactic fast food franchises. Whatever you do, don’t lose any sleep worrying about how dirty your rental car may be. First, that’s why they make soap and water, and second, Nietzsche had it right: if it doesn’t kill you, it only makes you stronger. Suck it up, travel with some antibacterial wipes if you’d like and quit your whining.
Your mortgage (or your rent) is late, the job you hate is on thin ice and your 15 year old beater car is on it’s last legs. There are no jobs, the economy is in shambles, our cars are trying to kill us and everything you eat, drink or breathe contains something to ensure you die a slow, horrible death. We’re about a year away from killing each other in the streets for food, and no matter how many guns or how much ammo you own, it still isn’t enough.
So what else can you do but laugh about it? We’ve got you covered with 35 more demotivational posters, just in time for the collapse of Western society (or the weekend, whichever comes first). Enjoy!
It looks like Ford did the right thing by bumping the horsepower in the 2011 Mustang GT to 412 and bumping the horsepower of the base V6 to 305; pre-orders of the pony car have approached 11,000 units in the first month. That’s three times the number of pre-orders that the “refreshed” 2010 Mustang received.
The base V6 pre-orders are up by 19%, and now account for 50% of all Mustang pre-orders. That’s not surprising when you consider that the base model is now within 10 horsepower of last year’s GT, yet delivers 30 mpg fuel economy. Think about that: the new V6 is putting out 95 more horsepower than last year, yet still getting 25% better fuel economy. Those are some mighty impressive numbers.
Lately it seems that there are three certain things in life, death, taxes and a weekly Toyota recall. Toyota has announced the recall of nearly 8,000 Tacomas that have a problem with their drive shaft . A report recently surfaced stating that a crack formed in the rear joint, causing the drive shaft to shake loose and may drop straight out of the truck. These “cracks may have developed during the manufacturing process.” Whatever the cause of this issue, it makes us ask ourselves, “How can one company self-destruct themselves in less than one month?” This most recent recall for the Tacoma’s drive shaft isn’t nearly as big of a problem as the previus recalls but how does Toyota expect to recover from all of these problems. Anyone who may be affected by this recall can call Toyota at 1-800-331-4331 for more information. Toyota dealers will also perform a ten minute inspection of the trucks and if they find any problem they will replace the drive shaft free of charge. Tell us if you would still buy any Toyota.
The French have a healthy relationship with lust. To them, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s no repressed, punished, or controlled. It’s celebrated as the ultimate expression of unbridled passion. And it shows in their cars. Bare with me here. The Citroën DS is one of the sexiest cars ever made and since then, the French have periodically produced subtly sexy rides. The Citroën SM, the Renault Alpine A110, the Peugeot 205 GTI, the Renault Clio V6, and many more. They’re not drop-dead gorgeous like Italian supermodels, but they’re sexy in a girl-next-door-you’d-definitely-marry kind of way.
The DS3-R is the latest sexy ride to come out of Citroën. Rumor is it’ll come packed with a turbocharged 1.6-liter four good for more than 200 horsepower and will ride on rally-inspired suspension. A race version of the DS3-R will replace the current C4 rally car on courses in the near future. Chances of the DS3 or DS3-R being available for sale in the U.S. are close to zero, but we can dream.
Got an empty space in you car collection between the General Lee and the Batmobile? Looking for something with a little flash to take to opening night of the symphony? Tired of one-upping your neighbors with the latest luxo-box from Mercedes or BMW? Stress no more, for the perfect single-digit-salute to the establishment is for sale on eBay. No, it’s not the Deathmobile used in the movie, but who’s going to know? You’ll need to add your own smoke generators, but that sounds like a fun Saturday afternoon project to me. The best part? It’s got a “Buy It Now” price of just $12,500. For less than the cost of a new Corolla, you can be rolling in style as you scare the crap out of the neighbors.
Armada? But there's only one! And it doesn't float! What's next, the Nissan Battalion?
Today’s announcement of the long-anticipated iPad* got me thinking. Auto companies stick some truly abysmal names on their cars. Touareg. Yaris. Patriot. Armada. And it only gets worse from there. But which company, overall, has the worst names in their lineup?
My initial thought was VW. Besides Touareg, you’ve got Routan, Tiguan, Passat, then Golf, Polo, Jetta, Eos, and New Beetle. Jetta is the only respectable name in the range. The SUV lineup sounds like a Klingon gagging on a muskrat. Yes, I’m aware that Touareg refers to a nomadic tribe from North Africa, but that only makes it worse. Golf and Polo? Because those are two sports that epitomize speed, agility, and fun. Eos? There’s nothing to love about that car. New Beetle? It hasn’t been new in a decade.
I haven’t even gotten to Hyundai or Kia’s naming schemes.
What do you think? Who has the most awful names in their lineup?
*Despite its name, it seems like an incredible device.
