Look, before we get caught up in all the adulation we’re just going to come right out and say it: for $875,000 large, your rear wheel arches should not look like they were pulled off a first-gen Honda Insight and covered with a can of Krylon #1602. Just saying.
At any rate, the Brabus E V12 Black Barron is actually a 2010 Mercedes E-Class W212 with a
shitton rather large amount of black paint and a serious upgrade package. The twin-turbo 6.0L V12 under the hood churns out a staggering 800-horsepower and 1046 lb-ft of torque, which is just enough to kill you and – judging by what usually happens when a reckless kid with a trust fund buys a supercar – probably will. Speed is electronically limited to 217 mph but if you can figure out how to disable the governor, Brabus claims you can push it as far as 230 mph. 0-62 mph is reached in 3.7 seconds, 0-124 mph in 9.9, 0-186mph in 23.9, and to generate the allusion of control over all that power, Brabus outfitted the Black Baron with an adaptable sports suspension, new stabilizers, and a high performance braking system.
Given that 0-124mph in under 10 seconds is a bowel-loosening experience (124-0mph in roughly the same time, even more so) and that black hides stains well, the interior of Brabus’ Baron comes covered stem to stern in black leather and black Alcantara upholstery. Carbon fiber trim adorns the instrument cluster and center stack, and a badge authenticating the Baron’s exclusive heritage is prominently displayed above the big silver knob that we assume is designated for easily summoning the emergency response crews.