For a car guy, few things in life are as unpleasant as being forced to sit through a ballet. We don’t understand the language of dance, we’re not fond of dressing up and chances are good we won’t like the music. Even the occasional skimpy costume fails to keep our attention, since most ballerinas aren’t that good looking and make Kate Moss look like she needs the South Beach Diet. If my options are “go the the ballet” or “cut out my own appendix”, I’m going to grab the Betadine and a scalpel, thanks.
The Russians understand this, so they’ve chosen to man up ballet for a recent arms exposition. Dubbed, The Invincible and the Legendary, the ballet is kind of a Nutcracker Suite played out with T-90s. In other words it’s a ballet that even I could sit through, complete with flaming hand-to-hand combat and flying tanks.
Don’t think this is an amateur event, either. It was written, produced and choreographed by Andrei Melanyin, head of the State Academic Bolshoi Theater of Russia. Yes, THAT Bolshoi Theater, which includes the Bolshoi Ballet.
As entertaining as the above videos are, they’d be better with a few explosions, some machine gun fire and a flamethrower or two. An A-10 strafing run or an Apache Longbow helicopter attack would add a nice counterpunch, although I don’t think I’d want to be sitting quite as close. Sadly, I don’t expect this to catch on in America, which is too bad. I think I’d actually look forward to going to the tank ballet.