At 12 o’clock this morning while most of us were nursing the nasty side effects of a weekend-long bender, GM officially unveiled the new 2011 Cadillac CTS Coupe to the motoring press. The live, in-the-flesh reveal isn’t scheduled until next week at the LA Auto Show (which I will be attending, for all 3 of you interested fans), but as PR custom dictates GM was kind enough to give us a sneak preview a full 7 days early.

Based on its increasing popular full-sized brethren, the CTS coupe shares all the basic styling cues of the CTS sedan yet features a much chunkier, Beyonce-in-a-bodysuit ass. Fortunately, thanks to the 304-hp direct injected 3.6L V6, if you are successfully able to row your own (6-sp manual standard, 6-speed auto available for poseurs) you should be able to peel out of a dead stop before the jeers from the Bimmer owners reach your ears. If you aren’t fast enough on the throttle or otherwise catch the last sing-song remnants of “Fatty fatty two-by-four…” the CTS coupe also comes with enough interior accessories to keep your crushing depression at bay until you get to your therapist’s office, including iPod/MP3 capability, 40-gig hard drive, pop-up nav, Bluetooth, standard Keyless Access and Smart Remote Start, rear camera system, and a Bose 5.1 Cabin Surround™ audio system.

To help give this thick lady some semblance of agility, two optional performance packages are available: the RWD or AWD Performance Package with 18″ wheels and all-season tires or the Summer Tire Performance Package with 19″ tires. For those customers who feel ill-equipped to handle this BBW without the help of a few extra horsepower, GM promises the CTS-V coupe will drop sometime in 2010.