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16 Awesome State Trooper Quotes.

Posted in Funny, Lists, Police, Promoted by MrAngry | January 5th, 2011 | 4 Responses |

Trooper Quote

A little while ago I posted an article about asshat State Trooper who gave a father-to-be a speeding ticket for trying to get his pregnant wife to the hospital on time. Not wanting to seem like a prick myself though, I thought I would now post something that shows that the majority of our State Troopers are actually really good guys. Below is a listing of 16 quotes that are, quite honestly, some of the funniest things I’ve heard in some time. Now supposedly the these quotes were taken from video cameras found in the cars of South Carolina Troopers. Unfortunately though we have no way of verifying that, so instead of giving South Carolina the credit for having the funniest State Troopers, lets just say that they’re all good humored guys with guns.

1. “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

2. “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

3. “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

4. “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

5. “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”

6. “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

7. “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

8. “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

9. “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

10. “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, a fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.”

11. “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

12. “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center )

13. “Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?”

14. “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we want.”

15. “I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”


16. “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

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4 Responses

  1. Shahroz says:

    haha nice ! havent heard these before

  2. RebeccaJ says:

    An “asshat” Trooper?

    Hmm, why do people think it’s ok for someone to go 100 mph to get their wife to the hospital? Don’t we have ambulances for that sort of thing? And what if he had killed them all on the way? Would you still be saying it was ok to speed? Or what if he killed one of your loved ones who had been on the road that day?

    Oh, I forgot.

    It’s all good because he was taking his wife to the hospital!

  3. MrAngry says:

    Say what you will, but if it were my wife and she told me the baby was about to come out, my foot would’ve been to the floor. Also, remember the baby was born 6 min and 35 sec. after the couple arrived at the hospital.

    The average traffic stop is 7-9 minutes… so in reality the father, in my opinion did the right thing.

  4. BigRuss says:

    i will say that SCST are funny guys… got pulled over for doing 60 in a 70 while pulling my travel trailer… but Myrtle Beach PD is a bunch of humorless assholes… was ticketed down there for “cruising” because 6 black s10’s had went past this specific sign…. guess what number we were…