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10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid [On A Budget]

Posted in auto industry, Car Photography, Cars, Chrysler, Dodge, Ford, General, Hummer, Hyundai, Mazda, Mustang, Pontiac, Subaru by Suzanne Denbow | August 14th, 2008 | 51 Responses |

The other day Jalopnik, inspired by our list of the “10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid,” good naturedly [we choose to assume] generated their own list, “5 Cars ‘Guaranteed’ To Not Get You Laid.” The list itself was spot-on and scored considerable bonus points with us for including the Toyota Prius, but a few of the site’s commenters shared some slightly-less-than-glowing appraisals of our list. Admittedly, our [read: my] first instinct was to politely instruct the naysayers to lick our figurative balls – but at least one of them had stopped engaging in same-sex relations long enough to suggest a pretty decent idea: what about a list of cars that will get the common  man laid? I mean sure, it’s a given the Bugatti Veyron will score you some tail, but what normal guy can afford one? So we decided to create a new list of cars [and two trucks] ranked by price from least [20k] to greatest [60k] that are guaranteed to get the Average Joe laid.

1. Dodge Ram 1500 ST

Dodge Ram 1500 ST

Prior to 1994, driving a Dodge Ram pick-up truck would’ve earned you an appreciative nod at Home Depot and not much else. After undergoing some significant cosmetic revision, however, the Dodge Ram emerged from the factory as a half-ton, big rig-inspired, “macho man” [here's to you, Randy Savage] pick-up truck. The unique chrome grill was a new accessory too, and made the new Dodge Ram 1500 immediately distinguishable from its other pick-up truck brethren. To break it down mathematically: ”muscle” plus “bling” is [greater than or] equal to “road head.”

Dodge Ram 1500 ST  
Base Price $23,050
Engine 3.7L V6
Transmission 6-sp manual
Power 215 hp @ 5200 rpm
Torque 235 hp @ 4000 rpm
0-60 mph 9.2 sec
Curb weight 4550 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ. 16/19 mpg

 

2. MAZDASPEED 3

MAZDASPEED 3

At least one sports car magazine complained that the MAZDASPEED 3 had “too much horsepower” and was more of a performance machine than the average driver could handle. The writer apparently suffers from a crystal meth addiction. The MAZDASPEED 3 has annihilated its fiercest competitor on the track, the Volkswagen R32, while still managing to cost about 11 grand less. So after you smoke the punk in the Vee Dub next to you at the stoplight, wink at his girlfriend in the passengers seat and say, “Wie möchten Sie fick eine echte Mann, baby?” [Thank you Paul Bolksturg, FCHS class of 2000, for teaching me to swear in our 4th period Deutschunde].

MAZDASPEED 3  
Base Price $23,310
Engine 2.3L turbo I-4
Transmission 6-sp manual
Power 263 hp @ 5500 rpm
Torque 280 lb-ft @ 3000 rpm
0-60 mph 5.9 sec
Curb weight 3183 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ 18/26 mpg

3. Ford Mustang GT

Ford Mustang GT

Look, it’s a Ford Mustang - it goes fast, makes lots of noise, and women have been familiarizing themselves with its surprisingly maneuverable seating arrangements for over 40 years. Every famous bad ass from Jim Morrison to Steve McQueen has driven one; believe us, the only feature that narrowly prevented the Ford Mustang from being the number 1 car that is guaranteed to get you laid was its price tag. So, in other words, “If you drive it, they will come”.

Ford Mustang GT  
Base Price $26,425
Engine 4.6L V8
Transmission 5-sp manual
Power 300 hp @ 5750 rpm
Torque 320 lb-ft @ 4500 rpm
0-60 mph 5.2 sec
Curb weight 3356 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ. 17/25 mpg

 

4. Pontiac G8 GT

Pontiac G8 GT

As much as you might want one, sometimes a 2-door coupe just isn’t going to cut it space-wise. Enter: the Pontiac G8 GT; the 361-hp, rear wheel drive, 4-dr sedan voted most likely to be clocked doing 85mph on the interstate. Although billed as the poor man’s 5-series, we guarantee the women you attract in a Pontiac G8 GT will be a.) just as hot and b.) less maintenance than anything you’d get in a BMW.

Pontiac G8 GT  
Base Price $29,995
Engine 6.0L V8
Transmission 6-sp auto
Power 361 hp @ 5300 rpm
Torque 385 lb-ft @ 4400 rpm
0-60 mph 5.6 sec
Curb weight 4021 lb
EPA city/hwy fuel econ 15/24 mpg

5. Chrysler 300 Touring RWD

Chrysler 300 Touring RWD

Yeah yeah yeah, we know that whole “pimp your 300″ thing is played out, and we know that you’re probably going to vomit if you see another Chrysler 300 with a Phantom grill – but you know what? The gimmick works. The Chrysler 300 shares about the same wheelbase as the Phantom and depending on your trim package, can feature about the same luxuries too. Even a stock Chrysler 300 is still an impressive luxury sedan, but if you take the initiative to trick it out, we promise your efforts will not be in vain [for further reference, see: "music video girls"].

Chrysler 300 Touring RWD  
Base Price $31,265
Engine 3.5L V6
Transmission 4-sp auto
Power 250 hp @ 6400
Torque 250 @ 3800 rpm
0-60 mph 6.3 sec
Curb weight 3762 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ. 15/22 mpg

6. Subaru Impreza WRX STi

Subaru Impreza WRX STi

The new Subaru Impreza WRX STi was specifically designed to be a Rally car and even helped Travis Pastrana’s team score a gold medal at X Games 12, earning it some considerable street cred. We’d like to clarify, however, that it’s only the hatchback Impreza WRX STi that made our list; the sedan version and its massive rear spoiler have a tendency to broadcast either “I’m Compensating For Something” or “I’m The Delivery Guy For My Parents’ Japanese Take-Out Joint.”

Subaru Impreza WRX STi  
Base Price $34,995
Engine 2.5L turbocharged BOXER
Transmission 6-sp close-ratio manual
Power 305 hp @ 6000 rpm
Torque 290 lb-ft @ 4400 rpm
0-60 mph 4.4 sec
Curb weight 3395 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ. 17/23 mpg

7. Dodge Charger SRT8

Dodge Charger SRT8

Taking the Pontiac G8 GT “performance sedan” theme and running with it, the Dodge Charger SRT8 boasts an incredible 425 hp [yeah, you read that correctly] and clocks a pretty impressive 5 second 0-60 mph acceleration average. Despite its power, diehards have been pretty reluctant to admit the Dodge Charger SRT8 into the muscle car fold due to its technical classification as a 4-door sedan…though we say: more cushion for the pushin’.

Dodge Charger SRT8  
Base Price $37, 215
Engine 6.1L V8
Transmission 5-sp auto
Power 425 hp @ 6200 rpm
Torque 420 lb-ft @ 4800 rpm
0-60 mph 5.0 sec
Curb weight 4160 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ 13/18 mpg

8. Hyundai Genesis 4.6

Hyundai Genesis 4.6

Engineered by Hyundai to be an ambiguous luxury sedan, the Hyundai Genesis is about the same size as a BMW 7-series and if you squint a little in the right light, could pass from the front as a Mercedes S-class. Not to be taken lightly, the Hyundai Genesis 4.6 further ups the ante with heated front seats and a large, full-color navigation system. Just as a friendly word of warning: don’t be surprised if you tend to attract a subtler type of girl, ladies who’ll be drawn to the Genesis 4.6 will probably be those of the lady-in-the-streets-but-a-freak-in-sheets variety.

Hyundai Genesis 4.6  
Base Price $37,250
Engine 4.6L V8
Transmission 6-sp auto
Power 375 hp @ 6500 rpm
Torque 333 lb-ft @ 3500 rpm
0-60 mph 5.5 sec
Curb weight 4012 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ. 17/25 mpg

9. HUMMER H2

HUMMER H2

Now “here” us out – we know the HUMMER H2 gets a lot of grief for being a gas guzzler, but it’s a Class 3 truck, it wasn’t intended to be marketed as a “daily driver” [or even worse, a "grocery getter"]. The HUMMER H3 has toned the “wild boy” feel down a little bit and is roughly equivalent to a Ford Explorer, but it’s not the HUMMER H3 that made our list, it’s the H2. The HUMMER H2 is masculinity personified, and regardless of the stereotype, if you drive a HUMMER H2, unless you did something incredibly asinine like throw some 22′s on the tires or TV screens in the headrests, you’ll get enough phone numbers to justify the need for your own directory assistance [but again, please allow us to reiterate: if the only off-road time your H2 ever sees is when you clip the curb taking a turn a little too wide, or if it has any type of accessory regularly featured on "Pimp My Ride", you will be LAUGHED at, not laid - trust us].

HUMMER H2  
Base Price $57,590
Engine 6.2L Vortec V8
Transmission 6-sp hydra matic auto.
Power 393 hp @ 5700 rpm
Torque 415 lb-ft @ 4300 rpm
0-60 mph 7.1 sec
Curb weight 6614 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ. 13/18 mpg [est]

10. Ford Crown Victoria/Police Interceptor

Ford Crown Victoria/Police Interceptor

Everybody knows at least one guy who has bought an unmarked Crown Vic from a police auction, and everybody has listened to him tell the stories about people shitting bricks when he gets behind them on the interstate. The fact is, plain white, blue, or black Ford Crown Vics are to police what Cadillac Seville’s are to pimps: standard operating equipment. Another fact is: women love men in uniform. So if you’re a cop, you’re in luck, you could drive a Yugo and still get more ass then you’d know what to do with. If you’re not a cop, however, you can still ride the coattails of the sex-craze by picking up your own Ford Crown Victoria. Unfortunately, you’ll have to buy your ride used, since Ford removed the Crown Victoria from the commercial market in 2008, making it only available for fleet sales. [Note: We are not suggesting that you impersonate a police officer. Don’t be a dumbass.]

Ford Crown Victoria  
Base Price N/A
Engine 4.6L V8
Transmission 4-sp auto
Power 250 hp @ 5000 rpm
Torque 297 lb-ft @ 4000 rpm
0-60 mph 7.8 sec
Curb weight 4158 lbs
EPA city/hwy fuel econ. 14/21 mpg

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51 Responses

  1. Jim says:

    And you say a sedan Subaru is compensating for something?

    What about the Hummer, the Charger and possibly the Ram are all well known replacements for something!

    I had a 5 door 02 Subaru, a wolf in sheeps clothing.

  2. Garet says:

    Are you on crack? NONE of these cars will get you laid. At least not by anything a self respecting man would wanna bone.

  3. Uncle B says:

    I don’t know about getting laid, but these cars will guarantee a good screwing at the gas pumps!

  4. heem says:

    duh.. Jeep Wrangler? any guy that has one will tell you how many chicks it gets.

  5. Nik says:

    Wie möchten Sie ein echter Mann ficken, baby? ;)

  6. jon says:

    sorry guys…if you need a car to get you laid…then getting laid is the least of your worries.

  7. jeff says:

    worst list… most of these cars appeal to someone with WHITE TRASH taste… get a clue

  8. norm says:

    Mazda RX-8 with a Pettit Super Charger?
    About 300 RWHP @ 9000RPM sound like fun?

  9. flackseeds says:

    You guys must be retarded… you miiiight get laid if your on the set of Gummo.

  10. big twin says:

    Only one vehicle will consistantly get very below average average guys treated like rock stars by very hot chicks – harley – the “milwaukee vibrator”

  11. business says:

    I can agree, but maybe not the Mustang though. The GT may be cool, but it looks too much like the base model, which I’ve seen grandmas drive.

  12. Blah says:

    This is one of the worst and worst named lists i have ever seen. Seriously the writer of this article of a moron. On a budget. Who thinks that a Charger or Hummer is a budget vehicle. Shit get a Geo Metro and just rent a Ferrari or Porsche when you feel like high balling it, and still spend far less on insurance/gas/vehicle itself.

    Seriously the girls you will get with these types of cars you should probably just buy an iroc Z or a 20 year old Camaro, and you can get the same girls.

  13. Dave says:

    Your article makes me hate the internet.

  14. jason says:

    The mazdaspeed3? lol. Im sorry but this list is a joke.

  15. Bill says:

    This looks more like a list of cars of an overextended college dropout douche.

  16. Martin S. says:

    Wow, for making the crappiest and most gas guzzling cards in the world, there sure are a lot of American cars here.

  17. James says:

    If you need a car to pick up women, I pity you.

  18. Mark says:

    It’s a puzzle how the words “on a budget” figure into this list—unless the budget in question belongs to the Dept. of Defense. The only part of that headline that isn’t highly questionable is “10 Cars”.

  19. Hugh Wish says:

    hahah like a US automobile will get you anything.
    I doubt you could pick up a hooker in one of those.
    After filling the tank on most of those it’d be a pretty cheap hooker.
    A hummer will get you laid but only if it’s military spec with the gun mount.

  20. R.S says:

    It’s thinking like this that sets us back as a species. Maybe I shouldn’t be putting the blame on the guys that drive these cars with this intent, but more so on the parking lot skanks that actually fall for it.

  21. Ted says:

    haha – that is one of the worst lists I’ve ever seen….

  22. bryan says:

    Okay, first off, I’ve gotten girls in a Volkswagen Beetle as well as a Ford Stationwagon.

    I don’t think this has any merit and it makes me want to cry that it got as many diggs as it did.

    This article sucks. The entire perception that the form of transportation you have indicates your pussy-o-meter (if I can say that.) is retarded.

    You might as well write Top 10 Chick Magnet Energy Drinks.

    Regardless of this post, it’s sad to me that a woman would even write this.

    Gah, I digress.

  23. The GM and Subaru guru says:

    Eine Mann? Welchen Männern kennen Sie?

  24. David says:

    This list is total BS, the person who wrote this is either got some very bad taste or don’t know anything about cars….

  25. Jay says:

    Um the crown Vic doesn’t get that bad of gas mileage….common misconception, It actually gets around 23-27 mpg and on a really really good day I had an older one get 32 mpg! and thats after we checked all the receipts and the mileage for that trip four times!
    Oh and most guys that are into the Vic (heck any ford panther for that matter) does not keep them stock for long. Think about it… Big, black, loud, fast, cool looking, and with a BIG back seat!…….yeah its a “Hey baby, wanna do it?” and get a yes sorta car. mind you the sorta girls this car attracts is a bit crazy in the sac;)

  26. [...] 35 last Sunday. See what you have to look forward to. And to celebrate here’a a plus for Pontiac. Pontiac G8 #4 on list __________________ When more than one friend wants to ride shotgun No, I do not work for GM or [...]

  27. [...] so this is a response to 10 cars that are guaranteed to get you laid on a budget that was up on Digg from ridelust.com that was absolutely horrible.  They had a freakin’ [...]

  28. sol says:

    so american..

  29. lava says:

    these are the worst cars to try to get laid with, all you’re going to get is rednecks and fat black chicks, whoever wrote this is a retard, you can get a pre chrysler mercedes s class that will get you way more ass than all these cars combined for under $10k and it looks better than all of these and has more options…. which is cheaper than all these pieces of crap, dont be stupid, use your brain not your car, its alot easier to get laid with wits instead of 20′s on a piece of chit

  30. Vito Rispo says:

    Hey Sol,
    according to your IP address, you’re in America.

    also, don’t people try to get laid outside of America? or do they just smoke cigarettes and say “Pfft, Ameri-caaaans and their sassy ways, ugh, they are sooo vul-gaaar” all day?

  31. Chang says:

    This list is stupid.

    Fucking white trash taste.

  32. [...] 10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid [On A Budget] Check out number 6…. The other 9 are lies as well but 6 stands out. [...]

  33. Tase says:

    HIGH FIVE TO THE G8 GT…!! This is the only true car in here that can get you laid (and the Mustang) , but just drive an AUDI, BENZ, or BIMMER and you’ll have no problem getting ass.. Jaguar is another.. YOU CAN’t GET LAID WITH A HOT GIRL if your on a BUDGET. lol. Only fat white and black chicks.

  34. Sadi says:

    Seriously, Back in the days, you had a girlfriend but no house or apartment, because you lived in your parents house until you graduated high school, or if your parents were rich enough, college. Dorm system did not expand except in the 70′s. That is why you needed a car that was:1-Convertible, 2-Has a BIG couch in the back seat,and 3-Low priced, that you can afford to buy one on your high school or college budget (your parents would help making part of the payments). Then it was the American dream to work and buy a house, so you wont get laid in your car anymore. Sorry to say it, but none of these cars are ready for sex in the back seat on regular basis for the eight years of high school and college, on college budget.

  35. I LoL’d… at everything except the G8…. They don’t make em like they used to. Whether that applied to the cars or the women they will supposedly attract is your choice.

  36. Vito Rispo says:

    two words: FORD TAURUS

  37. Sandy says:

    After the day I’ve had – I needed the laugh!

    Thanks

  38. jake says:

    lol for real no camaros?? i know alot are associated with rednecks but those are the beaters. i got a nice 1986 Iroc that im rolling that gets me tail but yet again im only 16 so i got about the best car from high school so all the girls i never had a chance with till i got this car want a ride and im not talking about the Camaro ;)

  39. Geoff says:

    Really? IROC? -sigh- The little “wink” there at the end is quite the capper too. Suzanne? Comment for Jake? No?

  40. MIke says:

    this is the worst list in the world. dodge ram, really? crown vic? i dont think so. only black guys by crown vic from police aution. and only red necks drive rams. i drive a 2004 350hp WRX with the big wing that supposedly says im “compensating for something”, when the truth is the girls love it. bottom line is women are money hungry creatures and ill bang any guy that looks like they have the slightest bit of money.

  41. Jimmy says:

    WRX STI… LOL that is the funniest thing yet. This is in my list of the 5 coolest cars on the planet and I actually drive one but this car is a cult car. Few know what it is and practicaly no woman have a clue that it is a seriously expensive machine that can in the right hands eat just about anything. Subaru whom we all know makes the best cars in the world builds them as ugly as possible so the Germans don’t invade.

    Get laid with an STI… LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

    Saying the sti will get you chicks is like saying if you do a motor swap on your $4000 5.0 stang your tasting tongue will will taste that sweet nasty.

    The reason the dudes with STI’s get all the Puddi is cause they bought a seriously wicked car for a seriouse penny that only they appreciate. Its called the Inner Game!

    Seriously… you tell an intellegent woman what you paid for an STI and she will quickly realise that she can take you for everything.

  42. james says:

    Grand cherokee srt8 lowered on 22′s, life has never been better!!!

  43. [...] Not Ranked  :  +0 / -0  0 score      oh what nice cars we have I was googling some info on the MS3, and look what i came across. hahaha i thought it was funny. check #2 10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid [On A Budget] [...]

  44. Shar says:

    My boyfriend who is now my EX, turned around and bought a Ford Mustang Convertible in Neon green. (He’s 38 and we were focusing on a future and possibly a house prior to this unexpected purchase)
    He completely turned into a different person.
    He now acts like he’s too good for me and I couldn’t stand his new attitude and arrogance.’
    Believe me … a new car can do strange things.
    I’m no longer dating him after the 3 year investment.

    I’m happy driving my Malibu and wish all the folks out there the best that think a car gives you self worth.

  45. Carl says:

    I’m not sure about some of the cars, but I think there are some exceptions or something, the Dodge Ram, is it REALLY a, shall we say, ”girl-magnet” or is it just a large vehicle to, put you six-pack in the rear compartment with your rifle, so on & so forth, not that it’s bad, I can accept tthe Mustang, but the Ram, I might need some time to think that one through, plus the Mazdaspeed 3, I didn’t know you could drive any Mazda and the girls would get in it and, you know, anyway that’s my thoughts on some of these cars.

  46. Brandon says:

    Seriously, you guys must have no experience with actual automotive anything. Hell, if the almost $60,000 Hummer is on there, why isn’t the BMW 1 series there? What about the Audi A4? Or how about EVO X?

    By the way, the Mustang is a 5.0 now.

    I don’t know why you don’t like the sedan STi. Perhaps the writer would prefer a wobbly top heavy car.

    We all know a car isn’t the thing that will get you laid, but ladies will avoid you if you drive a bro-ish Dodge Ram, any Pontiac, anything from Hyundai (sorry Genesis coupers, it still is an economy car), an overpriced gas-guzzling Hummer that ended up being simply a fad, or a old police car (the Vicky).

  47. Hermes says:

    Wow you might get a gay cowboy or a 50 year ex-prostitute with these cars but I you’re not going to be getting a chick with class. Chicks know brands – it’s their life – but they don’t know engines. If you’re on a (real) budget (unlike the cars in this article) get a ten year old, bottom of the range 3 series bmw or c class merc and 99% of chicks will think you’re a baller.

  48. DEM0N says:

    No, No, No, You wanna know what cars got me laid the most?!? I’ll Start off from Least-Likely to get me pussy;

    #3) 1974 Chevelle Malibu: it had a 400cid Small Block V8, an 850-CFM Holley Double-Pumper 4BBL Carb, True Dual Exhaust going to 2 separate Magnaflow XL Mufflers, it blew the fucking doors off of a 2000 Ford SVT Cobra R that some spoiled kid with rich parents was talking up one day at an abandoned small aircraft airport in my home town…he went home ALONE that night…I got the girl he showed up with who had DD Tits…

    #2) 1968 Plymouth Road Runner (this is my dad’s car & I only got to take it out one night) Numbers Matching 383 Big Block…This car did a fucking WHEEL-STAND from a stop going from a stop light lined up next to what either was or was made to look like a 1969 Shelby GT350 Mustang…

    #1) my mom’s 1955 Chevy Bel-Air (this was built to be a replica of the car from American Graffiti, except my mother said she didn’t want black when it was almost finished, so this car is white with blue metal flake over the white)