10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid [On A Budget]
The other day Jalopnik, inspired by our list of the “10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid,” good naturedly [we choose to assume] generated their own list, “5 Cars ‘Guaranteed’ To Not Get You Laid.” The list itself was spot-on and scored considerable bonus points with us for including the Toyota Prius, but a few of the site’s commenters shared some slightly-less-than-glowing appraisals of our list. Admittedly, our [read: my] first instinct was to politely instruct the naysayers to lick our figurative balls - but at least one of them had stopped engaging in same-sex relations long enough to suggest a pretty decent idea: what about a list of cars that will get the common man laid? I mean sure, it’s a given the Bugatti Veyron will score you some tail, but what normal guy can afford one? So we decided to create a new list of cars [and two trucks] ranked by price from least [20k] to greatest [60k] that are guaranteed to get the Average Joe laid.
1. Dodge Ram 1500 ST
Prior to 1994, driving a Dodge Ram pick-up truck would’ve earned you an appreciative nod at Home Depot and not much else. After undergoing some significant cosmetic revision, however, the Dodge Ram emerged from the factory as a half-ton, big rig-inspired, “macho man” [here's to you, Randy Savage] pick-up truck. The unique chrome grill was a new accessory too, and made the new Dodge Ram 1500 immediately distinguishable from its other pick-up truck brethren. To break it down mathematically: ”muscle” plus “bling” is [greater than or] equal to “road head.”
| Dodge Ram 1500 ST | |
| Base Price | $23,050 |
| Engine | 3.7L V6 |
| Transmission | 6-sp manual |
| Power | 215 hp @ 5200 rpm |
| Torque | 235 hp @ 4000 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 9.2 sec |
| Curb weight | 4550 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ. | 16/19 mpg |
2. MAZDASPEED 3
At least one sports car magazine complained that the MAZDASPEED 3 had “too much horsepower” and was more of a performance machine than the average driver could handle. The writer apparently suffers from a crystal meth addiction. The MAZDASPEED 3 has annihilated its fiercest competitor on the track, the Volkswagen R32, while still managing to cost about 11 grand less. So after you smoke the punk in the Vee Dub next to you at the stoplight, wink at his girlfriend in the passengers seat and say, “Wie möchten Sie fick eine echte Mann, baby?” [Thank you Paul Bolksturg, FCHS class of 2000, for teaching me to swear in our 4th period Deutschunde].
| MAZDASPEED 3 | |
| Base Price | $23,310 |
| Engine | 2.3L turbo I-4 |
| Transmission | 6-sp manual |
| Power | 263 hp @ 5500 rpm |
| Torque | 280 lb-ft @ 3000 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 5.9 sec |
| Curb weight | 3183 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ | 18/26 mpg |
3. Ford Mustang GT
Look, it’s a Ford Mustang - it goes fast, makes lots of noise, and women have been familiarizing themselves with its surprisingly maneuverable seating arrangements for over 40 years. Every famous bad ass from Jim Morrison to Steve McQueen has driven one; believe us, the only feature that narrowly prevented the Ford Mustang from being the number 1 car that is guaranteed to get you laid was its price tag. So, in other words, “If you drive it, they will come”.
| Ford Mustang GT | |
| Base Price | $26,425 |
| Engine | 4.6L V8 |
| Transmission | 5-sp manual |
| Power | 300 hp @ 5750 rpm |
| Torque | 320 lb-ft @ 4500 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 5.2 sec |
| Curb weight | 3356 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ. | 17/25 mpg |
4. Pontiac G8 GT
As much as you might want one, sometimes a 2-door coupe just isn’t going to cut it space-wise. Enter: the Pontiac G8 GT; the 361-hp, rear wheel drive, 4-dr sedan voted most likely to be clocked doing 85mph on the interstate. Although billed as the poor man’s 5-series, we guarantee the women you attract in a Pontiac G8 GT will be a.) just as hot and b.) less maintenance than anything you’d get in a BMW.
| Pontiac G8 GT | |
| Base Price | $29,995 |
| Engine | 6.0L V8 |
| Transmission | 6-sp auto |
| Power | 361 hp @ 5300 rpm |
| Torque | 385 lb-ft @ 4400 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 5.6 sec |
| Curb weight | 4021 lb |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ | 15/24 mpg |
5. Chrysler 300 Touring RWD
Yeah yeah yeah, we know that whole “pimp your 300″ thing is played out, and we know that you’re probably going to vomit if you see another Chrysler 300 with a Phantom grill - but you know what? The gimmick works. The Chrysler 300 shares about the same wheelbase as the Phantom and depending on your trim package, can feature about the same luxuries too. Even a stock Chrysler 300 is still an impressive luxury sedan, but if you take the initiative to trick it out, we promise your efforts will not be in vain [for further reference, see: "music video girls"].
| Chrysler 300 Touring RWD | |
| Base Price | $31,265 |
| Engine | 3.5L V6 |
| Transmission | 4-sp auto |
| Power | 250 hp @ 6400 |
| Torque | 250 @ 3800 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 6.3 sec |
| Curb weight | 3762 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ. | 15/22 mpg |
6. Subaru Impreza WRX STi
The new Subaru Impreza WRX STi was specifically designed to be a Rally car and even helped Travis Pastrana’s team score a gold medal at X Games 12, earning it some considerable street cred. We’d like to clarify, however, that it’s only the hatchback Impreza WRX STi that made our list; the sedan version and its massive rear spoiler have a tendency to broadcast either “I’m Compensating For Something” or “I’m The Delivery Guy For My Parents’ Japanese Take-Out Joint.”
| Subaru Impreza WRX STi | |
| Base Price | $34,995 |
| Engine | 2.5L turbocharged BOXER |
| Transmission | 6-sp close-ratio manual |
| Power | 305 hp @ 6000 rpm |
| Torque | 290 lb-ft @ 4400 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 4.4 sec |
| Curb weight | 3395 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ. | 17/23 mpg |
7. Dodge Charger SRT8
Taking the Pontiac G8 GT “performance sedan” theme and running with it, the Dodge Charger SRT8 boasts an incredible 425 hp [yeah, you read that correctly] and clocks a pretty impressive 5 second 0-60 mph acceleration average. Despite its power, diehards have been pretty reluctant to admit the Dodge Charger SRT8 into the muscle car fold due to its technical classification as a 4-door sedan…though we say: more cushion for the pushin’.
| Dodge Charger SRT8 | |
| Base Price | $37, 215 |
| Engine | 6.1L V8 |
| Transmission | 5-sp auto |
| Power | 425 hp @ 6200 rpm |
| Torque | 420 lb-ft @ 4800 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 5.0 sec |
| Curb weight | 4160 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ | 13/18 mpg |
8. Hyundai Genesis 4.6
Engineered by Hyundai to be an ambiguous luxury sedan, the Hyundai Genesis is about the same size as a BMW 7-series and if you squint a little in the right light, could pass from the front as a Mercedes S-class. Not to be taken lightly, the Hyundai Genesis 4.6 further ups the ante with heated front seats and a large, full-color navigation system. Just as a friendly word of warning: don’t be surprised if you tend to attract a subtler type of girl, ladies who’ll be drawn to the Genesis 4.6 will probably be those of the lady-in-the-streets-but-a-freak-in-sheets variety.
| Hyundai Genesis 4.6 | |
| Base Price | $37,250 |
| Engine | 4.6L V8 |
| Transmission | 6-sp auto |
| Power | 375 hp @ 6500 rpm |
| Torque | 333 lb-ft @ 3500 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 5.5 sec |
| Curb weight | 4012 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ. | 17/25 mpg |
9. HUMMER H2
Now “here” us out - we know the HUMMER H2 gets a lot of grief for being a gas guzzler, but it’s a Class 3 truck, it wasn’t intended to be marketed as a “daily driver” [or even worse, a "grocery getter"]. The HUMMER H3 has toned the “wild boy” feel down a little bit and is roughly equivalent to a Ford Explorer, but it’s not the HUMMER H3 that made our list, it’s the H2. The HUMMER H2 is masculinity personified, and regardless of the stereotype, if you drive a HUMMER H2, unless you did something incredibly asinine like throw some 22’s on the tires or TV screens in the headrests, you’ll get enough phone numbers to justify the need for your own directory assistance [but again, please allow us to reiterate: if the only off-road time your H2 ever sees is when you clip the curb taking a turn a little too wide, or if it has any type of accessory regularly featured on "Pimp My Ride", you will be LAUGHED at, not laid - trust us].
| HUMMER H2 | |
| Base Price | $57,590 |
| Engine | 6.2L Vortec V8 |
| Transmission | 6-sp hydra matic auto. |
| Power | 393 hp @ 5700 rpm |
| Torque | 415 lb-ft @ 4300 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 7.1 sec |
| Curb weight | 6614 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ. | 13/18 mpg [est] |
10. Ford Crown Victoria/Police Interceptor
Everybody knows at least one guy who has bought an unmarked Crown Vic from a police auction, and everybody has listened to him tell the stories about people shitting bricks when he gets behind them on the interstate. The fact is, plain white, blue, or black Ford Crown Vics are to police what Cadillac Seville’s are to pimps: standard operating equipment. Another fact is: women love men in uniform. So if you’re a cop, you’re in luck, you could drive a Yugo and still get more ass then you’d know what to do with. If you’re not a cop, however, you can still ride the coattails of the sex-craze by picking up your own Ford Crown Victoria. Unfortunately, you’ll have to buy your ride used, since Ford removed the Crown Victoria from the commercial market in 2008, making it only available for fleet sales. [Note: We are not suggesting that you impersonate a police officer. Don't be a dumbass.]
| Ford Crown Victoria | |
| Base Price | N/A |
| Engine | 4.6L V8 |
| Transmission | 4-sp auto |
| Power | 250 hp @ 5000 rpm |
| Torque | 297 lb-ft @ 4000 rpm |
| 0-60 mph | 7.8 sec |
| Curb weight | 4158 lbs |
| EPA city/hwy fuel econ. | 14/21 mpg |
And you say a sedan Subaru is compensating for something?
What about the Hummer, the Charger and possibly the Ram are all well known replacements for something!
I had a 5 door 02 Subaru, a wolf in sheeps clothing.
Words by Jim on August 15, 2008 at 7:56 am | #
Are you on crack? NONE of these cars will get you laid. At least not by anything a self respecting man would wanna bone.
Words by Garet on August 15, 2008 at 11:44 am | #
I don’t know about getting laid, but these cars will guarantee a good screwing at the gas pumps!
Words by Uncle B on August 15, 2008 at 1:51 pm | #
duh.. Jeep Wrangler? any guy that has one will tell you how many chicks it gets.
Words by heem on August 15, 2008 at 2:23 pm | #
Wie möchten Sie ein echter Mann ficken, baby?
Words by Nik on August 15, 2008 at 2:33 pm | #
sorry guys…if you need a car to get you laid…then getting laid is the least of your worries.
Words by jon on August 15, 2008 at 2:35 pm | #
worst list… most of these cars appeal to someone with WHITE TRASH taste… get a clue
Words by jeff on August 15, 2008 at 2:40 pm | #
Mazda RX-8 with a Pettit Super Charger?
About 300 RWHP @ 9000RPM sound like fun?
Words by norm on August 15, 2008 at 2:46 pm | #
You guys must be retarded… you miiiight get laid if your on the set of Gummo.
Words by flackseeds on August 15, 2008 at 2:47 pm | #
Only one vehicle will consistantly get very below average average guys treated like rock stars by very hot chicks - harley - the “milwaukee vibrator”
Words by big twin on August 15, 2008 at 2:51 pm | #
I can agree, but maybe not the Mustang though. The GT may be cool, but it looks too much like the base model, which I’ve seen grandmas drive.
Words by business on August 15, 2008 at 2:55 pm | #
This is one of the worst and worst named lists i have ever seen. Seriously the writer of this article of a moron. On a budget. Who thinks that a Charger or Hummer is a budget vehicle. Shit get a Geo Metro and just rent a Ferrari or Porsche when you feel like high balling it, and still spend far less on insurance/gas/vehicle itself.
Seriously the girls you will get with these types of cars you should probably just buy an iroc Z or a 20 year old Camaro, and you can get the same girls.
Words by Blah on August 15, 2008 at 3:00 pm | #
Your article makes me hate the internet.
Words by Dave on August 15, 2008 at 3:03 pm | #
The mazdaspeed3? lol. Im sorry but this list is a joke.
Words by jason on August 15, 2008 at 3:06 pm | #
This looks more like a list of cars of an overextended college dropout douche.
Words by Bill on August 15, 2008 at 3:09 pm | #
Wow, for making the crappiest and most gas guzzling cards in the world, there sure are a lot of American cars here.
Words by Martin S. on August 15, 2008 at 3:09 pm | #
If you need a car to pick up women, I pity you.
Words by James on August 15, 2008 at 3:10 pm | #
It’s a puzzle how the words “on a budget” figure into this list—unless the budget in question belongs to the Dept. of Defense. The only part of that headline that isn’t highly questionable is “10 Cars”.
Words by Mark on August 15, 2008 at 3:11 pm | #
hahah like a US automobile will get you anything.
I doubt you could pick up a hooker in one of those.
After filling the tank on most of those it’d be a pretty cheap hooker.
A hummer will get you laid but only if it’s military spec with the gun mount.
Words by Hugh Wish on August 15, 2008 at 3:20 pm | #
It’s thinking like this that sets us back as a species. Maybe I shouldn’t be putting the blame on the guys that drive these cars with this intent, but more so on the parking lot skanks that actually fall for it.
Words by R.S on August 15, 2008 at 3:21 pm | #
haha - that is one of the worst lists I’ve ever seen….
Words by Ted on August 15, 2008 at 3:23 pm | #
Okay, first off, I’ve gotten girls in a Volkswagen Beetle as well as a Ford Stationwagon.
I don’t think this has any merit and it makes me want to cry that it got as many diggs as it did.
This article sucks. The entire perception that the form of transportation you have indicates your pussy-o-meter (if I can say that.) is retarded.
You might as well write Top 10 Chick Magnet Energy Drinks.
Regardless of this post, it’s sad to me that a woman would even write this.
Gah, I digress.
Words by bryan on August 15, 2008 at 3:46 pm | #
Eine Mann? Welchen Männern kennen Sie?
Words by The GM and Subaru guru on August 15, 2008 at 10:54 pm | #
This list is total BS, the person who wrote this is either got some very bad taste or don’t know anything about cars….
Words by David on August 16, 2008 at 12:48 pm | #
Um the crown Vic doesn’t get that bad of gas mileage….common misconception, It actually gets around 23-27 mpg and on a really really good day I had an older one get 32 mpg! and thats after we checked all the receipts and the mileage for that trip four times!
Oh and most guys that are into the Vic (heck any ford panther for that matter) does not keep them stock for long. Think about it… Big, black, loud, fast, cool looking, and with a BIG back seat!…….yeah its a “Hey baby, wanna do it?” and get a yes sorta car. mind you the sorta girls this car attracts is a bit crazy in the sac;)
Words by Jay on August 16, 2008 at 5:15 pm | #
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Pingback by Married a History teacher 10 years ago - Pontiac Solstice Forum on August 16, 2008 at 8:00 pm | #
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Pingback by 10 cars under 30k that will (help) get you laid on August 17, 2008 at 3:41 pm | #
so american..
Words by sol on August 23, 2008 at 12:37 pm | #
these are the worst cars to try to get laid with, all you’re going to get is rednecks and fat black chicks, whoever wrote this is a retard, you can get a pre chrysler mercedes s class that will get you way more ass than all these cars combined for under $10k and it looks better than all of these and has more options…. which is cheaper than all these pieces of crap, dont be stupid, use your brain not your car, its alot easier to get laid with wits instead of 20’s on a piece of chit
Words by lava on August 23, 2008 at 12:51 pm | #
Hey Sol,
according to your IP address, you’re in America.
also, don’t people try to get laid outside of America? or do they just smoke cigarettes and say “Pfft, Ameri-caaaans and their sassy ways, ugh, they are sooo vul-gaaar” all day?
Words by Vito Rispo on August 24, 2008 at 11:26 am | #
This list is stupid.
Fucking white trash taste.
Words by Chang on August 27, 2008 at 6:57 pm | #
[...] 10 Cars That Are Guaranteed To Get You Laid [On A Budget] Check out number 6…. The other 9 are lies as well but 6 stands out. [...]
Pingback by Don't you hate it when the internet lies to you? on September 30, 2008 at 4:39 pm | #
HIGH FIVE TO THE G8 GT…!! This is the only true car in here that can get you laid (and the Mustang) , but just drive an AUDI, BENZ, or BIMMER and you’ll have no problem getting ass.. Jaguar is another.. YOU CAN’t GET LAID WITH A HOT GIRL if your on a BUDGET. lol. Only fat white and black chicks.
Words by Tase on November 1, 2008 at 4:05 pm | #