Bumper sticker politics never seem to be politically neutral and actually have a tendency to be downright antagonistic at times, but they usually bear an accurate (ableit pithy) testament to individual party views. While most of us chose to leave the riot-inciting political commentary off the road, we’ve all pulled up behind some political zealot and had a good chuckle over their bumper sticker platform at one time or another. Well politicians are regular people too (humor me), and for every hard-line stance taken on a hot button issue, there’s almost always a corresponding adhesive, 3″ x 11″ colloquialism. To demonstrate, here are 10 bumper stickers we can all but guarantee Sarah Palin would approve of, if not outright sport herself.
1. Plumber’s crack
Sarah Palin and her running mate John McCain have become enamored with all things Plumber lately … and the most endearing quality of a plumber …
2. Be polite, or I’ll blow your F’n head off
In a statement released by the Alaskan Governor’s Office on February 8, 2008, Palin said, “I am proud to join the State of Texas in support of the Second Amendment…We need to send a strong message that law-abiding citizens have a right to own firearms, for personal protection, for hunting and for any other lawful purpose.”
3. Real Americans leave rich women alone.
A moose-hunter in her spare time, Palin supports the hunting and fishing industry – both as a necessary catalyst for a successful economy in Alaska, and as an exercise of personal liberties. According to an August 2008 article printed in The New York Times, not only are Palin and her family avid hunter, but “Her father shot the grizzly bear whose hide is now draped over the sofa in her office.”
4. Sexy school teachers WANTED to spice up education
Much like the Wyoming State Government did with its sexy campaign aimed at rekindling the popularity of the public library, Sarah Palin has stated that in order for the educational system to be truly effective, students need to be excited about learning. To achieve this, Palin supports the allocation of several billion dollars to “revamp” the educational system, but is quick to clarify that money alone won’t solve any problems. “…It must be about more than funds,” Palin explained, “It must be a change in philosophy. It is time to shift focus, from just dollars to “caliyulriit,” which is Yupik for “people who want to work.” Work for pride in supporting our families. It’s about results and getting kids excited about their future–whether it is college, trade school, [etc.]…”
5. Again, be polite. Only use your weapons to do good.
In 2006, in response to a question posed by the Eagle Forum Gubernational Questionnaire, Palin explained that one of her top priorities as governor of Alaska would be “Cracking down on the things that harm family life: gangs, drug use, and infringement of our liberties including attacks on our 2nd Amendment rights.”
6. Puhhhhhleeeease, drug dealers just don’t count
From her 2006 campaign website, www.palinforgovernor.com: “I am a lifetime member of the NRA, I support our Constitutional right to bear arms and am a proponent of gun safety programs for Alaska’s youth.”
7. The Russians are always very polite when they visit.
In stark contrast to the overwhelming majority of her party members, Palin seems largely indifferent in the face of tighter border control, unfazed by the call for immigration reform. During an August 2008 broadcast of her radio show, host Laura Ingraham shared, “So, back to the Veepstakes. Sarah Palin: I like her. She’s a beautiful woman, but she’s also a conservative. Her husband, he’s a fisherman…I’m telling you, I think that sells. That sells a lot more than ‘my friends’ and comprehensive immigration reform. And she’s not for comprehensive reform, I can tell you that right now. She’s sick to death of this immigration nonsense in the United States.”
8. You know who’s in charge of the Senate, don’t you….
From an August 2008 Q&A with Times magazine’s Jay Newton:
Q: What’s your religion?
Q: Any particular…?
A: No. Bible-believing Christian.
Q: What church do you attend?
A: A non-denominational Bible church. I was baptized Catholic as a newborn and then my family started going to non-denominational churches throughout our life.
9. Every citizen has a right to go terrorist hunting
Palin’s 18-year-old son, Tack, is an enlisted soldier in the US Army and shipped out to Iraq with his unit in September. While Palin has offered vague support for an as-yet-undefined troop withdrawal plan, she explained during an interview on Hannity and Colmes that eradicating the threat of terrorist attacks on America is the ultimate priority. Said Palin, “I believe that what Pres. Bush has attempted to do is rid this world of Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell-bent on destroying our nation. There have been blunders along the way, though. There have been mistakes made. And with new leadership comes opportunity to do things better.” When asked if she agreed with the Bush doctrine which guarantees the right of anticipatory self-defense, Palin responded, “If there is legitimate and enough intelligence that tells us that a strike is imminent against American people, we have every right to defend our country. In fact, the president has the obligation, the duty to defend.”
10. The role of the Vice President
The smart, philosophical answer that Palin should have given when asked about the role of the VP. Instead, her campaign, the media and the 3rd grade elite forced her into a gotcha moment. The real Palin would have give an answer to make Plato proud.