The title honestly says it all. It’s hard to believe all those things could make it into one insane video, but somehow, TRU TV makes it happen.

It begins as a normal repossession episode. But when the mentally deranged 20 year old “locked in the 80s” owner of the vehicle makes it out of the house, a new kind of weird, weird hell breaks loose–and somebody gets hurt!

The hilarity ensues about 1:50 in. So get ready. And have a change of pants ready, too, just in case.

Those of you waiting on the DTS/STS replacement had better have a seat. Your new big-body Caddy will be ready in two and a half years. The National Post is reporting that Cadillac’s new XTS will be assembled in Canada’s Oshawa, Ontario plant. This is a big win for the factory already producing the current Chevrolet Camaro in addition to the upcoming Buick Regal and Chevy Impala. No further details about the car were provided, but production is slated to begin December of 2011.

[National Post]

For those of us who are just so tired of Steeda (now based out of my father’s home town of Valdosta, GA) waiting and waiting to release its own unique image of the most widely tuned car in the world, the Q-series, there is now the Sport Edition Mustang, sporting parts already available in the parts catalogue.

For the low low price of $6,995 (and I’m not being sarcastic), you get a completely revamped suspension, including upgraded billet lower control arms, sport springs, as well as 20-inch chrome wheels. Also included in the package is a sport shifter, underdrive performance pulleys, performance air cleaner, and those easy-to-miss Steeda graphics along the side skirts.

While there are no real power upgrades available on this model, previous Steeda Mustangs have made due with superb handling and finesse, two features not usually associated with bull-nosing pony cars with live-rear-axles. If you’re wanting a more road-racer feel and less drag-racer, then Steeda probably has exactly what you are looking for.

For more details, check the press release after the jump:

Here’s a crazy metric that the eggheads at Sportec figured out that helps put this nutso Swiss tuner 911 into perspective: 214.5 horsepower. At each wheel. At an astonishing 8200 RPM, mind you. Basically, this all-wheel-drive 911 will destroy the fabric of the universe with its tires. Einstein is spinning in his grave, and the insurance companies are running for the hills because they certainly don’t want to pay out on your life insurance policy. 0-62 MPH happens in 3.0 seconds, and 60-telephone pole will happen after an additional 4 seconds.

Ruf 911 showing battery pack.

It has been a strange couple of days in the auto world. First, you have Aston Martin badge-engineering a tiny Toyota city car. Now, this. Porsche’s R&D director, Wolfgang Dürheimer, sat down with German mag Motor Zeitung and claimed that Porsche has been working on an electric version of the stored 911 sportscar, and idea first tried out by Ruf with their Greenster concept. First water-cooling, now electricity? When will the insanity stop?

So there’s rare, and there’s rare. The Zonda isn’t exactly a Camry to begin with, so your chances of dinging one with a shopping cart are pretty low. But how about having your own special model? If you’re one Peter Saywell of the UK, you’d commission Pagani to build you one. Word is that Mr. Saywell wanted a Zonda Cinque, but all 5 were sold. This is the result of that frustration – a bespoke model bearing his initials. Lucky bastard.

In the automotive world, the rumor mill is overworked and underpaid. It’s also often just plain wrong, so keep that in mind. Today’s grist is some wild speculation by Auto Express about what a smaller Miata companion car might look like. The “MX-2,” as the speculation goes, will bring the concept of the original Miata back from its current, bloated form. Of course, the central premise here is that the MX-5 is too big, and honestly, having been in a few of them, I have to say that the current car is about as small as its gonna get given the state of federal safety requirements. Nonetheless, the idea is intriguing if implausible, and the renderings look, to be honest, much better than the current MX-5. Maybe Mazda should hire the photochop artist?

Superclass watchmaker TAG Heuer recently took some footage of Steve McQueen from his 1971 classic film Le Mans and awkwardly stuffed it into a commercial so they could pit him against the current F1 champ, Lewis Hamilton. It was interesting to see McQueen go head-to-head with Hamilton, but all the ad really did was make me want to watch the original film.

So keeping with the Ridelust tradition of bringing you the finest automotive cinema (The Italian Machine and C’était un Rendez-Vous), here’s the 1971 Steve McQueen classic in it’s entirety… Le Mans:

Edmunds has just completed a shootout between the 2010 Shelby GT500 and its closest competitor (for the time being) the 2010 HPE550 Camaro from Hennessey. On paper, this looks like a pretty close match-up. Both cars are upgraded versions of classic Americana muscle cars, with long hoods, bulged fenders, two doors, two spare back seats, and menacing snarls from blown V8’s whining more than 500HP out of the engines.

The HPE Camaro has a definite edge over the Shelby in the power department, besting the Mustang by 48HP at the wheels.

But, as the testers soon found out, even when we’re dealing with two very American cars–power isn’t necessarily everything.

I’ll go ahead and answer the question in your head. The Dodge Caliber, with a final score of 49 out of 100, is the only vehicle tested by Consumer Reports that scored lower than the Honda Insight (54 points). David Champion, senior director of CR’s Auto Test Center calls it “the most disappointing Honda Consumer Reports has tested in a long time”. CR testers berated everything from its visibility to interior noise and handling. The as-tested 38 mpg fell within manufacturer’s claims and softened the blow a bit, but I have to wonder how a car with so many faults still garners a “Good” overall rating from Consumer Reports. First place was given a “Very Good”. Photos, full press release and my proposed ratings system after the jump.